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The Ezra Klein Show

How to Have Better Conversations About Hard Things

The Ezra Klein Show

New York Times Opinion

Society & Culture, Government, News

4.611K Ratings

🗓️ 4 May 2021

⏱️ 64 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Anna Sale is one of my favorite interviewers. As the host of WNYC Studios’ “Death, Sex and Money,” she has an uncanny ability to get her guests to open up about the most personal, tragic, beautiful and embarrassing parts of their lives, whether it’s childhood trauma, the death of a partner or losing control of one’s limbs. The kinds of conversations Sale has on her show are hard to have in real life. So we rarely have them, even though our relationships and our society and even our politics desperately need them. Thankfully, Sale has written a new book, “Let’s Talk About Hard Things,” which distills the lessons she has learned over the years for the rest of us and offers wisdom for navigating the topics we too often shy away from: death, sex, money, family, identity. We discuss how society has increasingly pushed the responsibility for having these hard conversations onto individuals, what it takes to be a good listener, the common mistakes people make when supporting grieving friends and family members, why it’s especially hard to communicate with our family members, whether it’s necessary to give up our righteousness to preserve our relationships, the social stigma against talking about money, how to navigate tricky discussions about race and gender, and the art of asking open questions. Recommendations: "Death in Mud Lick" by Eric Eyre "Crying in H Mart" by Michelle Zauner "The Secret to Superhuman Strength" by Alison Bechdel You can find transcripts (posted midday) and more episodes of "The Ezra Klein Show" at nytimes.com/ezra-klein-podcast, and you can find Ezra on Twitter @ezraklein. Thoughts? Guest suggestions? Email us at [email protected]. “The Ezra Klein Show” is produced by Rogé Karma and Jeff Geld; fact-checking by Michelle Harris; original music by Isaac Jones; mixing by Jeff Geld.

Transcript

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0:00.0

I'm Mr. Klein and this is the Asher Klein Show.

0:22.0

So Anacel is one of my favorite interviews.

0:24.6

The show she does and the way she approaches it is that she talks about the art things.

0:36.6

She'll get guests on to talk about death in their family, about their partner losing control

0:42.6

of their limbs, about the most personal tragic, beautiful, embarrassing parts of our lives.

0:49.6

And I've always admired that the show never feels exposed, never feels like anybody's doing

0:57.6

this for their own pleasure.

0:58.6

It feels like conversations that need to be had but aren't because they're really hard to have.

1:03.6

And that's a wide range of conversations in modern life.

1:06.6

I think you've listened to the show I just did with Will Wilkinson and Natalie Wynn.

1:11.6

One way of interpreting that show is politics is full of conversations that are hard and we don't know how to have.

1:17.6

But in this era when we talk about a lot more than we used to and we do a lot more of it in public,

1:23.6

the skills we need to navigate these conversations are much more intense than they have been in the past.

1:29.6

But nobody teaches them.

1:30.6

You don't take conversation class in school.

1:32.6

It's not a requirement, you know, if you go to college, there's not a lot of training in this.

1:38.6

So Anacel has just written a book that is simultaneously pulling out the lessons of her show.

1:44.6

But then also going deeper into the theory and the practice of talking about really hard things.

1:50.6

It is called appropriately enough.

1:52.6

Let's talk about hard things.

1:54.6

And it goes through death and sex and money and identity and family and more.

2:00.6

And it's a beautiful book and it has a lot of advice that is it is applicable to those of us just having conversations in our lives.

...

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