What does the right moment look like? It looks like somebody who is emotionally receptive where there's real warmth between you

Making sure that your sex life is high functioning is so important

If you don't have sex beforehand, especially if you don't discuss it then

You may end up in a relationship with someone that is that maybe the antithesis of what sexually turns you on. Okay, so well I will speak for myself as with all things. Direct, simple, and supportive is the right way to go about it because you you wanna talk about, you can put someone on edge real fast with this topic. So you need to be clear. You wanna speak up for what you want. There's no way to get the life that you want unless you're willing to articulate it. Which actually by the way, the one thing I will say in sex education class that they taught us in Tacoma, Washington,

if you're not ready to talk to your partner about sex, you're not ready to have sex.

I said you're really good boys.

I thought that was fantastic. And I remember thinking at 16, you know, I'm not ready to talk about this.

Like I am absolutely terrified. So that was very good advice. So being able to ask for what you

want to be able to say like and without believing the other person, that's gonna be so critical because you'll put people on their back foot, people are already super insecure. When it comes to being naked, already people are like, super on edge. And so making sure that you extend it as something you wanna do together,

hey this is a project, things can be even better. Right? I'm gonna stop you there. That's so interesting, that's me, I love that. Oh the men out there, please do not say to your woman, this is a project. This is something we can do together? Yes, that's great. But there's certain things women will want, romance, they'll want fluffy language. Yes, yes, so's, so because here's the talk about, are you saying that we shouldn't talk about it unless we're in a romantic space? Oh, so, so let's go down this because as you were talking, I was like, but people are petrified to bring it up. Like the actual words of, hey, let's talk about sex. People get stuck there. I think you've jumped a bit ahead on like, how to approach it in the sense of like, oh god, I'm not quite sure. Like you've said something that feels very mechanical. But how would you actually approach it? So let's say, we don't often talk about sex, we obviously do, but let's just say we don't.

We haven't had sex for a while. Let's just say we don't talk about it. It's been six months since we had sex. Let's say. Or maybe it's been like there was a birthday in there. There must be something else. So let's say there was a birthday in there. There's a cage, there's things in there, but someone's not completely satisfied. Right. It's not like with me new, I can be like, hey babe, are you horny?

You know, like, it's not completely satisfied. Right. But it's not like with me, you, I can be like,

hey babe, are you horny?

Are you, you know, like, it's not as easy for some people. Yes. So how do you actually approach even talking about it? Okay, so here is my general guideline. So first of all, all the things that I said stand, so you wanna make sure that you're being direct, You want to make sure that you're creating a

an open dialogue where the other person's not feeling judged,

which will shut them down. Now, when do I do that? Because this is something that actually drives you crazy about me in a bad way, which is that I don't just go full steam ahead. So I go, in my mind, hey, there's a saying I really want to talk to whoever about could be my partner. But if a significant period of time has gone by and this is an area of real friction and real sensitivity, then I would play it like I would whenever I have somebody in my life where it's like, hey, this really difficult topic has to be brought up. And I'm looking for the right moment. Now, what does it mean to look for the right moment? What does the right moment look like? It looks like somebody who is emotionally receptive where there's real warmth between you and I'm going to have to set aside a truly dysfunctional relationship where so many things are going wrong that there isn't warmth. So I'm going to assume that there's still warmth but it's we're just not quite where we want to be on the sexual side of things. So I'm going to look for that moment where our guard is down. That's hugely important. And you can tell when somebody's, as you would say, their back is up, or they're really sort of calm, what we say, emotionally sober, right? So you're looking for either emotionally sober, just neutral, or something where it's actually, There isn't sobriety, but it's in the warmth category. So you're looking for either emotionally sober, just neutral or something where it's actually,

there isn't sobriety, but it's in the warmth category. So you're almost kind of high on each other. You're intoxicated. Maybe you just had a great meal. You're laughing. You just watched a comedy something where there's that real genuine sense of wanting to hear the other person, wanting them to win and when you sense sense that moment, that's when you can bring it up. And I'm always looking for something that does a bit of the work for me. So as I was saying, maybe you just watched a comedy, right? And in the comedy, it comes up. They bring it up or something. And then it's like, you use that as your in.

And that's something that we've used historically

before we had the tools.

Our of course most famous story is we got a huge fight

and then went to see the movie Rush Hour 2.

And coming out of that movie, we laughed so hard

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