We want to avoid pain and we want to stay in favor with the big people and the social group.

So we will abandon ourselves and start to develop strategies to get connection and avoid rejection. action. Hey Jason Gatis here. Welcome to the Relationship School Podcast. This show focuses on human behavior, psychology, and relationships. It's for people who are into growth and development. It's for people who wrestle with the paradox of self-acceptance and self-mastery.

If you want to gain more self-awareness, have a better relationship with yourself, and more fulfilling

relationships with others, this show is for you. It's my belief and my experience that your life satisfaction, your health and well-being, and your longevity will be determined by how much confidence you have in your most important relationships, including the one with yourself.

All right, today I want to talk about behavior change.

How do we change our behavior effectively?

And a lot of shoulds this time of year, you know, early in the year, there's a lot of like, oh, I'm going to get in shape,

I'm going to get my relationship life together, I'm going to make more money, I'm going to, blah right very common and it's so sweet that we have

these aspirations and intentions as we start out the year but the reason I want to drill down into this more is so

that you can be more successful in your life, in whatever your goals are.

Okay, I want you to succeed in your goals,

with your goals.

What I learned many years ago from my mentor, Dr. D. Mart Martini who's been on the podcast many times

is that to change your behavior in some area of your life you're going to need to change your

values and in my book getting in some area of your life you're going to need to change your values.

And in my book, getting to zero, there's a whole chapter on changing your values and how to do that.

I should grab it right now. And I call it the compass exercise. John

just calls it your hierarchy of values, which is perfect.

And I call it the compass because it's the direction

you're headed in life.

And I'm sorry, I'm looking for it here.

Okay, cool. Chapter 8 in my book, how to resolve your inner conflict. Very, very important chapter in my book. So let me back up for context. You, you know, as you were

...