How to Bring Up Challenging Conversations Without Triggering an Argument or Defensiveness: Episode 121
EmPowered Couples with The Freemans
Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman
5.0 • 589 Ratings
🗓️ 12 January 2021
⏱️ 33 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
When you bring up a challenging/hard conversation, does it tend to trigger defensiveness and lead to an unintended argument?
You could have every intention of just trying to share how you feel and get to a positive solution, and STILL have it lead to a massive misunderstanding.
You're not alone if this tends to happen in your relationship.
In this episode, you'll hear:
- Ways to initiate the challenging topic so that it doesn't spark into an argument
- How to handle times your partner gets defensive
- 5 simple things you can do so that challenging topics end up strengthening your relationship, instead of creating unnecessary tension
Resources For Your Relationship:
Pre-order our newest book, The Argument Hangover, that hits shelves Feb 2nd, and get over $200 of free bonus gifts (like the mini course and a 90 minute training)
About Us:
We're The Freemans, your go-to couple for authentic and actionable relationship advice. Send us your relationship questions for the show with a DM on Instagram. As you listen to the episode, tag us on an IG story and let us know what you loved
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast where here you get modern, non-boring relationship |
| 0:05.3 | advice for you to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay on the same team no matter the |
| 0:10.7 | challenge that you face. I am one of your host, Aaron Freeman. And I'm Jocelyn Freeman, but you all just |
| 0:14.8 | know us as the Freeman's. And today is all about how to bring up challenging conversations |
| 0:19.7 | without triggering an argument or defensiveness. |
| 0:23.2 | And that end piece is super key. |
| 0:25.7 | And this came from, I actually posted on Instagram this weekend, what questions do you have on all things relationship? |
| 0:33.5 | And several kind of alluded to this, you know, how do I bring up this? |
| 0:38.3 | My partner either shuts down or gets defensive or I'm nervous to bring up this topic |
| 0:43.3 | because it sparked an argument in the past. |
| 0:45.3 | And I found that so interesting, but also not surprising because it's actually one of the things we cover in the argument hangover, our new book. Why? |
| 0:55.1 | Because it's so common. We've heard it over the years so many times. And we'll talk about |
| 1:00.0 | the argument hangover in a little bit. But what you can already tell is you're not alone if this |
| 1:06.0 | is something you've wondered, right? How do I bring this up? How do I not have them get defensive? And so, |
| 1:12.3 | Aaron, why do you think people could resist a challenging conversation? Well, I think, |
| 1:19.4 | great question, by the way. I think at its foundation, it doesn't feel good. I mean, I think |
| 1:24.6 | that's it. Like, it doesn't feel good initially, and it seems to be a negative situation. |
| 1:30.3 | So often in relationships, I think without it being a conscious choice, we seek for the, |
| 1:37.1 | what feels good. |
| 1:38.7 | I mean, whether that's physical pleasure, whether that's just having a fun, joyful time |
| 1:43.1 | together, it does seem like relationships |
| 1:45.5 | should seek for the fun and positive times and avoid any seemingly negative or bad feeling times. |
... |
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