How to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle and Set Healthy Boundaries with Terri Cole

The One You Feed

iHeartPodcasts

Education, Self-improvement, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness, Buddhism, Mental Health

4.6 • 2.5K Ratings

🗓️ 4 February 2025

⏱️ 69 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Terri Cole discusses how to break the people-pleasing cycle and set healthy boundaries. She explores the fine line between kindness and people- pleasing and how sometimes, what feels like generosity might actually be an attempt to control someone else’s reaction or avoid conflict altogether. Terri also explains why so many of us fall into this “peace at any cost” mentality and the toll it takes on us. She offers powerful tools to help us break free from that compulsion and get clear on what we’re really responsible for, and how to show up authentically in our relationships.

Key Takeaways:

00:03:03 – Tending to the Shadow Side
00:04:12 – Finding Balance: Reacting vs. Responding
00:06:06 – The Resentment Inventory
00:10:04 – Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings
00:11:14 – Understanding Activation and Transference
00:15:43 – The Impact of Past Relationships
00:19:01 – Defining High Functioning Codependency
00:20:15 – Characteristics of High Functioning Codependents
00:26:38 – The Importance of Mindful Habit Changes
00:27:32 – Distinguishing Kindness from Codependency
00:29:04 – Questions to Differentiate Responsibility
00:34:48 – The Role of Boundaries in Relationships
00:37:01 – The Challenge of Letting Go
00:40:28 – The Power of Asking the Right Questions
00:43:41 – Conclusion: The Balance of Giving and Receiving

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Where's my happy girl?
0:01.2	Turn that frown around.
0:02.2	If you don't have anything nice to say,
0:03.6	I don't say anything at all.
0:05.0	So there's an expectation that we will be helpful,
0:07.7	that we will add value.
0:09.4	Now add,
0:10.0	if you have a religious household
0:11.3	or a very authoritarian household.
0:13.8	I mean,
0:14.0	we are raised and praised
0:15.7	to become a self-abandoning codependence.
0:18.5	Fact.
0:26.6	Thank you. a self-abandoning codependence fact. Welcome to the one you feed.
0:29.0	Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:33.6	Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us,
0:40.6	our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear.
0:47.9	We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our
0:53.4	spirit. But it's not just about thinking.
0:56.4	Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living.
1:02.7	This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they
1:07.5	feed their good wolf.
	...

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