How to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle and Set Healthy Boundaries with Terri Cole

The One You Feed | Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience & Purpose

Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed

Buddhism, Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality

4.5 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 4 February 2025

⏱️ 69 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Terri Cole discusses how to break the people-pleasing cycle and set healthy boundaries. She explores the fine line between kindness and people- pleasing and how sometimes, what feels like generosity might actually be an attempt to control someone else’s reaction or avoid conflict altogether. Terri also explains why so many of us fall into this “peace at any cost” mentality and the toll it takes on us. She offers powerful tools to help us break free from that compulsion and get clear on what we’re really responsible for, and how to show up authentically in our relationships. Key Takeaways: 00:03:03 – Tending to the Shadow Side 00:04:12 – Finding Balance: Reacting vs. Responding 00:06:06 – The Resentment Inventory 00:10:04 – Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings 00:11:14 – Understanding Activation and Transference 00:15:43 – The Impact of Past Relationships 00:19:01 – Defining High Functioning Codependency 00:20:15 – Characteristics of High Functioning Codependents 00:26:38 – The Importance of Mindful Habit Changes 00:27:32 – Distinguishing Kindness from Codependency 00:29:04 – Questions to Differentiate Responsibility 00:34:48 – The Role of Boundaries in Relationships 00:37:01 – The Challenge of Letting Go 00:40:28 – The Power of Asking the Right Questions 00:43:41 – Conclusion: The Balance of Giving and Receiving For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Where's my happy girl?
0:01.2	Turn that frown around.
0:02.2	If you don't have anything nice to say,
0:03.6	I don't say anything at all.
0:05.0	So there's an expectation that we will be helpful,
0:07.7	that we will add value.
0:09.4	Now add,
0:10.0	if you have a religious household
0:11.3	or a very authoritarian household.
0:13.8	I mean,
0:14.0	we are raised and praised
0:15.7	to become a self-abandoning codependence.
0:18.5	Fact.
0:26.6	Thank you. a self-abandoning codependence fact. Welcome to the one you feed.
0:29.0	Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:33.6	Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true. And yet, for many of us,
0:40.6	our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear.
0:47.9	We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our
0:53.4	spirit. But it's not just about thinking.
0:56.4	Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living.
1:02.7	This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they
1:07.5	feed their good wolf.
	...

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