Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about being aware of your own emotions. What are you feeling right now?

Right at this very second, what emotion are you experiencing? If you're wondering why we're

asking, it's because the more you can name your own emotions, the less likely you are to

become overwhelmed by them. How does that translate to your relationship? Your awareness can help

your loved ones when they experience difficult emotions. It'll help you relate. You know that feeling

of disappointment that you felt when your friend left you high and dry, completely ditched you for

something or someone else. If you recognize and acknowledge that disappointment, you'll have compassion

for your partner when they experience that same feeling. You'll be able to see where they're coming from

and can provide words of encouragement for how to work through it. So when you're feeling a certain

emotion, name or identify it whenever possible. Say exactly what you're feeling. Or maybe what it feels

similar to. Where in your body do you feel it? What response is it causing? Can you

examine the feeling without judging it? That's important too. Don't judge your emotions. No emotion

is inherently negative. Sometimes it's just difficult or uncomfortable. Be easy on yourself and be

curious about your emotions, not critical.

If you can't pin down how you're feeling, make up a name for it or assign it a color.

It may sound a little strange, but hear us out. Talking yourself through it, even when the emotion

is unclear, can help provide some clarity. You can say, I'm feeling gray,

which is when I feel some combination of dread, sadness, and guilt in the pit of my stomach.

Gray makes me want to procrastinate or dull myself down. While it's unpleasant, I have every right

to feel gray and gray is not inherently bad. So here's today's small thing.

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