How I Stopped Tying My Self-Worth to Relationships

Buddhability

SGI-USA

Health & Fitness, Self-help, Self-care, Religion & Spirituality, Mental Health, Buddhism

4.9 • 603 Ratings

🗓️ 18 October 2024

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Self-worth is tough to cultivate when we look to others for validation. One moment we’re flying high, then one harsh word sends us spiraling. Today’s guest, Nikki Gonzalez, of Oakland, shares how her Buddhist practice helped her shift from a life consumed by the opinions of others to one based on a deeply held belief in her infinite worth. We talk about how Buddhist concepts helped her change the way she looks at love and relationships and determine to become the kind of person she would be proud to be with.

Watch the video version of today's episode here.

References:

Discussions on Youth, pp. 65, 69–70, 229.

Transcript

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0:00.0	From SGI USA, I'm Cassidy Bradford, and this is Bootability, the weekly series where I talk with Buddhists from all walks of life about the power we each have to change our lives and the world around us.
0:17.6	A princess finds her prince charming, and they ride off into the sunset.
0:23.1	A familiar story, many of us hear from a young age.
0:28.0	Every movie I watched as a kid revolved around a fairy tale, happy ending, and love.
0:34.0	It can be easy to grow up thinking, ah, if I just find the absolute perfect person, then my life will be complete.
0:42.3	I don't know about you, but that thinking caused me to cling to some things that really weren't working.
0:49.3	The purpose of Buddhist practice is to cultivate a type of happiness that comes from within
0:54.3	our lives, unsuade by our circumstances, whether good or bad, because our circumstances
1:00.8	can always change.
1:03.2	Buddhist philosopher Dysakoucata talks about this.
1:06.4	He says, such things as money, fame, and material possessions offer a fleeting satisfaction,
1:13.2	something that can be called relative happiness. However, when we transform our lives
1:18.8	internally, when we develop within ourselves a brilliant inner palace, then we can be said
1:24.6	to have established absolute happiness. If we develop a state of mind as
1:30.1	vast and resplendent as a magnificent palace, then nothing, no matter where we go or what we may
1:36.8	encounter in life, can undermine or destroy our happiness. This isn't to say that it's wrong
1:43.6	to want things like partnership and love.
1:46.0	The key, though, is to develop a state of life where we can experience happiness and joy,
1:51.0	regardless of whether or not we have the thing that we want.
1:55.0	It's looking internally for happiness and fulfillment.
1:58.0	Today's guest, Nikki Gonzalez, used to live based on how she wanted others to
2:02.8	view her, looking externally for validation and happiness. But nothing could fill the emptiness
	...

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