Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Today's question comes from Bethany in Texas. I've been married to a lovely man for 15 years who loves me and adores my son. He is the best dad I could have given to my son. The problem is the finances. I make $180,000 as a nurse practitioner while he makes $30,000. The issue is not really

the money, but his lack of ambition to make more of it. He has so much potential. I recently

found him a job, which will double his salary, but he's just not interested. I love him very much,

and I need to know, and I need to know how to let him be

since I realize I cannot make him want to make more money. I feel like when it comes to the financial

part of our marriage, he believes that it is my responsibility. I live in fear, knowing that if

something happens to me where I die or can

no longer work, my family would lose everything. How do I love my husband the way he is since he refuses

to change? Bethany. The biggest problem I see here, Bethany, one, number one, I'm just that you realize you can't control him because you can't. We can't control other people. And the fact that it sounds like you're his mom. I'm like, you went out and found him a job and you're doing all of these things. You're being proactive while he's obviously not wanting it. So, so I would say, again, the money is not the issue here.

A lot of it is fear that if something happens, are you going to be okay? Is your family going to be

okay? And so that's the approach I would take with him, not, oh, go double your salary. But it's, hey,

this is what it's causing in me and it's feeling like it's becoming a it's a wedge between you and him i mean it just

naturally is and that fear possibly might be in other parts of your marriage and in your life together

and so um that's the way i would approach it more versus from the money side more on what it's

causing in you but yeah i i feel like it'll be harsher.

I read that you don't respect him.

That's what I read.

And it has nothing to do with the amount of money he makes that causes respect.

His lack of personal growth and wanting to do better and wanting to be better.

He is a lovely, lazy man, is what I read.

And, you know, that's a problem because that's not going to get,

you're not going to suddenly get okay with that.

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