In the first part of this episode, we jump straight in with one of the most controversial ideas a broken-hearted woman has never had to grapple with. How can he still say he loves me after he's cheated on me? Now relationships can be lovely and beautiful, but until you get to the right partner, they absolutely can possibly be toxic and heartbreakingly painful. And so in this episode, we're focused on the emotional aftermath and implications of being cheated on. And my guest today, Saadi Akhan, the psychologist that gives it to you straight with no chasers, is joining me for this Truth Bomb Episode, exposing cheating behaviours and how crazy they make us. You may not like the answers. And I'm just going be honest about that. But ultimately I'm here to try and get the truth and then use that truth as power to then be able to act in accordance that resonates with me. I'm not saying the truth is beautiful. I'm not saying the truth is going to be roses. But you can better bloody guarantee I'm going to bring people on that are going to say that truth. So that we can actually start healing ourselves, gain our own peace and of course take back our freaking power. Guys if this episode brought you value please share it with someone in your life, please share it with either a girlfriend or your mum or your sister or just someone that you believe can actually bring value. The goal is to really impact on a global scale all women around the world so we can stop suffering with all these different things that we suffer from. So I ask you if this brought you value please do share it with a homie. Alright guys, without further ado let's dive in with the badass woman and the woman who's dropping truth bombs. My girl, Sari Akhan, right here on Women of Impact. Well, I've never actually thought of it. I love it. You've fallen so over everything. I love that. Look, I'm by far not perfect. Like, I do not want everyone to think that I show up every day, utterly confident. I don't. But what I do do is I know what it feels like to be confident. And so, like even my jewelry, it's my way of suiting up to build my confidence. And then it becomes when you work on yourself, it is a reflection of then how you shop in that relationship. So going back to the jealousy thing, if I started to even think about being jealous, I'll be like, oh Lisa, this is you think. Now, I'm sure everyone at home right now is freaking out because I said it's a you think.

Obviously there's gonna be something and you mentioned earlier that the person, your partner can be doing things that are very clear red, freaking flags that isn't a you think. That is you identifying that these are red flags. But if there isn't a red flag, then I start to ask myself how are you showing up? But the jealousy thing, when I've seen women,

completely become a different human.

Like they go from happy, bubbly, they seem confident and then now I've had friends who've done drive-bys. But I mean by that is like he said he was out, I'm going to drive by his apartment to save his car still there. And I'm like, either you trust him or you ask him, hey, are you telling the truth? But this is actually a debate and I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. And then checking partners' phones. What's your belief on checking your partners' phone? And so even you said earlier, as well, you're insecure, secure even now. So your partner, there's no room for you, him cheating because you're always on top of that. What does that actually look like? Is that you checking this phone? Is that you checking this? No, I'm actually a big advocate against checking phones. The reason being is, I've had my phone check. It's a big violation when you don't know the context. Also, the other thing is, because I know I'm jealous, I mitigate and limit the things that will cause me pain. I don't look for pain because I already caused myself enough stress with that stuff. So I actually don't believe in checking phones. What I do believe instead is when you get that urge to check somebody's phone, recognize what's changed in your intimacy. Something's changed that's making you want to check his phone. Something's happened either though, he's it differently, he's behaving maneuvering differently, or your connection general has changed and it's making you insecure. So if you're feeling the need to check the phone, check in on your intimacy. Have that conversation first and do all of those things now. If you're one of those people that really needs proof, really, really needs proof, before you can do everything. what I would say is you're probably not strong enough to walk away anyway. If you're one of those people that needs red handed evidence, you're probably going to find the evidence and not walk away. So what is the point of doing that? Only check the phone, I don't recommend it, if you've got the strength to walk away. If you've got the strength to walk away, you shouldn't even need to check the phone, have the conversation. But usually what I find is the people that want to catch their partner,

just to show that they're not going insane, but then they don't have their willingness to walk away.

Now I think the women that have their willingness to walk away before you even gets to the red-handed conversation, you're doing enough for me to not like this relationship. You're coming home a bit late, that you're hiding a phone, you're doing enough for me

to wanna walk away.

I don't need to check the phone to know

that this is not a relationship, that makes me feel good.

But the ones that don't have the willingness to walk away

and don't have the want to walk away. I don't need to check the phone to know that this is not a relationship, that makes me feel good. But the ones that don't

have the willingness to walk away and don't have the strength to walk away, they need,

they do all these micro-managing behaviours. And that's men and women, they do that. They micro-manage rather than just walk away. It's better to instead of going down that toxic group just walk away beforehand.

Well, okay, so you actually just said something that made me think what about the gaslighting

where we know many men that will gaslight women that are making them, no, it's you, you're going crazy, I can't believe your jealous, what the, right? And so they'll, they'll fricking gaslight you and making you think it's all you. So what would you do in that moment? Because sometimes you don't actually know, like, is it me? Am I going crazy? Like you start to actually doubt yourself. You know what?

I try and reserve judgment on what to do in those situations

because I don't know what I would do.

And this is somebody who's from a professional background. I still don't know what I would do. What I have seen people do is they record conversations between them and their partner. And the reason they record conversations because I actually want to see the problem in my doing something.

And when they record the conversations and listen back,

they see an avuser, a bully and a victim. I actually want to see, am I the problem? Am I doing something? And when they record the conversations and listen back,

they see an abuser, a bully, and a victim.

And then they realize, so I do understand

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