What up guys, Lisa here. You know when you just hear one of these stories and it knocks you so much for six, you like can't comprehend what it would be like to be in their situation? Well today's guest, Audrey and a Patrick that you may know from the hills and I were talking about toxic relationships and what we do to stand up for ourselves and as we're talking, She's breaking literally not to my socks off by telling me about a story. Now wait for it guys we have two best friends had a threesome with her boyfriend. Now I can't honestly imagine being young and having that happen to me and what that would do to my self-esteem, how I see myself, worth. And that's what we talk about, how something can happen in our lives. That can shape how we think and how we feel and then future relationships, future things that we do, or all dictated by the things that we've done in the past. And how this experience of being betrayed by her friend and in her relationship left her feeling empty. So she gives it just incredible detail and such grace about how she dealt with it, how she got back up. And that's the thing guys, that's what I'm all about. How on earth do you get back up when you fall to your knees? Like we all fall whether it's from someone betraying us, whether it's a bad relationship, whether it's someone just pushing us around, we've most of us I want to say have been there. And I'm here to tell you it's okay. It's okay to fall, but homie had the hell do you get back up and who to come I bring on. My show Women of Impact in order to give us tips and tactics on how when we fall we can get back up until adrenal today gives us incredible takeaways and tips on how on earth we can get back up. How we can find our voice and when you're tired of being taken advantage of how you show up how it can be detrimental to yourself if you're a chronic people pleaser. We go through it all and so much more guys. So without further ado, let's dive in with me and Adrien a Pat Tridge on Women of Impact. And guys, the one thing I would absolutely love and appreciate is if you took one or two minutes to rate and review this podcast that really would mean the absolute world to me because my mission of spreading impact across the world with women all begins with us it begins with me showing up every day and speaking to this mic. It begins with you guys on if you hear something that is actually life changing, if you hear something that can help you, are you able to share it, tell your homies, tell your friends about women of impact and honestly I just appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. So let's dive in right now with my homie, Adriena Patridge. I found out they had a threesome together. Today, on Women of Impact, actress Adriena Patridge opens up about her real-life drama and the shocking betraying. The toxic relationships that nearly whipped her apart. It's almost like feeling so humiliated and just am I not good enough? Or what is it, is it me? And the moment she realized enough was enough. It's like that switch flipped and that was it for me. What does it take to leave a toxic relationship? Let's find out. Adrienne Patrick, welcome to to Women of Impact Time, thank you for having me. I'm actually so excited to be here because I know the last couple times we had a cancel. So we made it. We made it. And you read a book called Choices. And the one thing that really stood out to me from the get-go is your very client,, you're very sweet, you're very gracious. But you also say in the book, don't mistake my kindness for weakness. There are so many women out there that feel like they've been taken advantage of, they've been pushed around. And you very eloquently state in your book how you've had moments like this and then how you've handed it and how you've evolved. You express a lot of beautiful stories in the book about how there were moments where, you know, guys in your life, relationships where people did all call over you. And you actually talk about how it started to become like double standards where you had to forgive your partner for doing certain things and yet it was okay for them to do it. So if you don't mind taking us back to them because then I wanna really peel open, how you went from being that person that allowed it, especially in relationships because our heart is in it. It's like there's those moments of like, oh, just forgive, oh, it's fine. You know, because our heart is in it. And so it is so powerful, so many women like that. You can sit here and say, No, you have to remind yourself that you can say no, but you didn't start there. No, I didn't know.

I was not. I was not like this like 20 years ago. I was a people pleaser and I was so naive and so trusting of people and even growing up, my mom was a hard ass. She's like, she doesn't put up with anything. And I think maybe because she was such a strong personality that we never had to do that because she always did it for us. So it's kind of like I had to start retraining myself and learning. And I was such a rebel in that way where I had to learn the hard way. And, you know, I've been in so many bad relationships where they would do something or cheat or lie to me or something would happen. And then I was upset about it and over it and then they'd come back and have this whole spiel where I was so weak at that point. And I would believe them and I would give them the benefit of the doubt and be like,

okay, like if you say that, like I'll trust you, I'll give you another chance and it was constantly like, okay another chance or maybe it is my fault and you start believing kind of what they start telling you about yourself and I just got myself in a really bad relationship that it just kept going and going like that.

It was insanity.

I kept going, it's, you know, like the definition of insanity is like you do something, you keep going and happens over and over and over again. And I didn't learn that lesson. And even if it was from one guy to the next, I would find myself in the same type of relationship just with a different guy. It's funny how when you're over something, like you can brush past stuff, but right now there are people listening at home where the partner did cheat on them and they're heartbroken. Partner has lied to them and they don't know how to get back up. And that's the thing is like, I love you being so honest and are saying, hey look, we should never judge ourselves for situations that we've been in, right? Trust is beautiful, I think trust is need in the relationship. But because of that, it can be broken. So when moments like that are broken, how the hell do you get back up? How the hell are you able to recover and sit here right now? I say, yes, it happened, but I'd learn. like in those moments, if you don't want to take me back, because if we can unpeel this part, the amount of women I feel that can heal from things, and then find a voice back, because that was another thing that you said, is I lost who I am. Oh, so many women like that. Yeah, and it's almost like when you're in a toxic relationship or friendship. It's almost like you're in a bubble and you can't see what's happening and you're just so in love or so devoted to making something work that nothing's gonna stop you. You're gonna make this work. And that's kind of how I am like if I want something, I'm gonna go for it. Like nothing's gonna stop me. But sometimes you have to step back and look outside of the bubble and listen to your friends and listen to the people around you because they're seeing things from the outside in. And it's easier said than done. I'm not gonna like because I've been there and I felt like I couldn't just listen to someone. I had to go through that process of whatever it was until I got to that breaking point where for me enough was enough and I it's like that switch flipped and that was it for me and I some of my friends even now they're like how did you do it Adrina how did you do it now I was like honestly it's like you become numb and like something switches and I for me it it was having my daughter and being in a toxic relationship and knowing that I want her to look up to me as a strong woman and as her hero and not someone that's weaker is gonna let someone treat me like that or let her think it's okay for someone to treat you like that and not to have a voice. So she was a blessing in so many ways and gave me that strength, but aside from her, it was my friends, my support system. They never gave up on me. And no matter how many times I called them crying or I tried to hide it, they knew me so well that I didn't even have to say it, they just knew. And when I got to that point for me, it was God and it was going back to church and I would go by myself all the time and I got into small groups and you know, we'd be listening to a message and I would just start crying and I couldn't stop but I had all that love and that support and to help me through it. If you need a support system, you can't do it alone. Like, it's hard. It's so fascinating. You said you do it for your tools. The amount of women that will fight, choose them, fucking now. Oh, yeah. For someone they care about, someone they love, but we won't do the same for ourselves. I know. And I feel like so many people can relate to that. And I still, it's like I over, I catch myself now, like overextending myself, you know, sometimes I get too busy in my schedule and like I could do it all and then I could do this and I already, I have everything planned. And sometimes I can do it all, but then at that end of the week I'm so exhausted and I'm like well, now I'm not present in my energies not up. I had to learn how to balance my life and everyone

in it because sometimes people want, want, want, want. And you can't give, give, give

all the time because you feel depleted.

And is that just having spoken from experience, the fact that you've already been there, you

used to give so much to friendships, relationships, we give so much to everything except for ourselves. Yeah, and even filming sometimes on the reality show, you know, I wanted the show to be so good that I started doing things that were out of my character and things that I would never say or would never do. And what helped me do those scenes sometimes was alcohol. And so we'd get liquored up because we're so nervous and we want to make a good reality show. And whenever you drink, you know, it's easier to say, okay, I'll do it. I'm ready. Like, let's take a shot and go do it. And I realized watching the show sometimes and like, that's not who I am. And the things like with the producers and I get it to TV show, but you're still playing yourself. Watching it, I was like, what? Like I can't do that anymore. Like I got to a point where I was saying yes so much to things that I really didn't wanna do, but they I was pressured and pressured and pressured that I would give in just to like shut them up. And so that's the thing that I really didn't want to do, but they I was pressured and pressured and pressured

that I would give in just to like shut them up. And so that's the thing that I really want to touch on that you can go from doing that say, going like, okay, fine, I'll just do it. Let me take a shot of our way just to get through it to then be able to many years later say, hey, look, saying no isn't easy, but you got to do it. So in hindsight, because I think there's so many lessons learned in hindsight, where how

did you take me back to those moments where you did feel the pressure? In fact, if you don't mind telling us the story about how they wanted you to take your top off in like a pool. Oh yeah. Yeah, so that specific scene, it was with Justin and we were in the pool and we were hanging out and it was, I the producers was like this is kind of a boring scene. Like would you mind taking your top off and then like throw it at Justin and then that'll get him in and I was like well I don't know let me like think about this so then you have everyone around you and you're like, I wanna make a good scene.

I don't want it to get deleted.

And with Justin, he was my boyfriend. We were together, so I was so comfortable with him. And he's like, you don't have to show anything. Just do it and then I'll get in and you won't just turn your back. So I did it. And then after it's like my grandma, all my cousins,

like my whole family watches this show,

but in the moment I wasn't even thinking of that.

I was just thinking of making a good show, people pleasing and I just didn't think of consequences. I was always in the moment and impulsive and I learned a lot from that too.

So going back now with who you are today, how would you handle that same, exactly the same situation? I mean, I feel like we could have made a fun scene without taking my top off. Like we could have did something else. I could have gave other ideas like just because someone approaches you with an idea. Doesn't mean you have to say yes or no to it. You can always negotiate back with other ideas and meet in the middle. It's not always about yes and no. Like you can throw your opinion in and like change things to your liking to where you both can meet and both be happy and it be a successful scene or a relationship or whatever it may be. I love that. You've mentioned people pleasing a few times. I really love to touch on that because in your book you talk about how you get married and you realize, oh, I shouldn't have got married. But you did and you knew deep down and you talk about, I didn't want to upset my family. I didn't want to upset him. I didn't want to upset. And it's the people pleasing, making decisions based on what's going to please everybody else except for me. Yep. I know. Talk to me about that. If you can take me back to the moments where you weren't, where you were debating in your head and then what made you then decide? Because again if we can figure out in those moments where our back is against the wall and we've only got two options that's the point right? Because even just like oh well maybe you, you can negotiate maybe because for our ideas, I love that strategy, amazing. But now, when your back is against the wall, and it's like, I've either got to upset everybody. But follow my heart, or make everyone happy and ignore me. And at that point in my life, I wasn't as strong, you know. And here I think was four or five months. So I was four or five months post-pregnant or having her. And there's so much going on in my mind. And all of his family from Australia flew out. My family flew out. Everybody spent so much money coming to this wedding. My dad spent so much money on the wedding. So all of that's going on in my mind. And that night, it was the night before the wedding, my sister, it's Casey stayed with me. And we were laying there and she's like, Drina, I know you don't have to do this. I know you don't want to. And I was like, but I have to. Everyone's here.

Like everything's set up, dad spent all this money. Like I feel so bad, like I have to do it. And now that we have a baby together, it's like we have to make this work. And I remember my sister Casey saying, so clearly, no you don't. Let's just get on a plane right now. It's in the middle of the night. Let's leave and let mom and daddle handle it.

Let's just get out of here and go to another island.

I was like, Casey, I can't. Like everyone's here. And that moment, if I could go back, if anything, we signed the papers. Like the registries. Yes. Like we signed the papers to solidify us being married at a nail shop. In Hawaii? Oh wow. Yeah. So at that point I was like, well, the papers are already signed. And now this huge celebration, the actual wedding, is going to happen. But I wish I could go back and not have signed to those papers.

And I wish that I had that strength to say, you know what, I'm not ready for this. And just because we had a baby together doesn't mean we have to rush into a marriage. And I was so, I was almost forcing it, you know. And I guess I never even asked Cory if he, Well, he did say that he had that ring for a long time waiting to ask me. And in my mind, I was kind of like, you did, like, but everything that we've been through and like your behavior and actions, like you had a ring, but then why did you do all this stuff in between and now I know you're a little bit changed, but there's just so many things going on in my mind, but I wish that I would have just held off. And that's what I tell a lot of my friends now that are engaged and they're going through ups and downs. And I was like, you really don't know a person unless until you've lived with them. And just because you have a baby doesn't mean you have to get married right away. I know in my mind that was so opposite because my family didn't come from divorce. Like you're married, you stick it out and make it work. It's very traditional. And especially, you know, you get married, then you have a baby. I did it all the other way around. So it's amazing how you make decisions based on the belief, right? So even with what you were saying, as you were saying that word really hit me, I have to.

Right? And I used to be there as well, girl. Like I used to think, well, I have to do a quote. It's my choice. Yeah. It is a choice. And you wrote about cool choices, which is why it's so amazing. You're sitting here saying, but I had to. and then you wrote a book about choices. That's the evolution.

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