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Jackie in Ohio.

She writes,

I've been married to my husband for 30 years.

He earns a six-figure salary and I've been a stay-at-home mom.

He wanted to manage our finances because working together stressed him out and he didn't want to argue.

Oh, geez. Maybe if, oh, God, he wasn't a brat. I thought we lived a good life, but on a recent vacation, I overheard him checking account

balances on our credit cards and became concerned. So I started quietly researching. I discovered he was tearing up financial documents and

throwing them away so I couldn't see them. He has to pleaded 95% of a job buyout and taken loans

on what little retirement savings he had less than 100K. He refinanced our homes multiple times. So we still owe two-thirds of our mortgage

after paying on it for 20 years. He also has over $130,000 in debt outside of the mortgage.

I now realize we've been living paycheck to paycheck on a six-figure salary just to avoid confrontation.

I'm going to stop you there, Jackie. You haven't. You

have been living paycheck to paycheck because your husband's got something else going on. There's

some significant deceit, whether it's an addiction, it's somebody else he's in love with or he's got

other pet projects he's trying to work through. This is not just to avoid confrontation. This is

because he has a different life. When we should be living and enjoying retirement together.

I now work full time and he does contract work.

There are so many things wrong here.

How do we move forward?

So they're in their 50s, 60s.

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