Hard Things to Bring Up in Therapy | Love is Better. Not Harder.

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 9 October 2025

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this Q&A, John Kim answers your raw, unfiltered questions about love, attachment, and what it actually takes to build a healthy relationship. From anxious-avoidant dynamics to retroactive jealousy and emotional unavailability — this one gets real. Whether you’re questioning if love should be easy, wondering why your partner won’t commit, or struggling to let go of the past, this episode dives straight into the messy middle — and ends with clarity, honesty, and hope. Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Things you would never bring up in therapy, you could bring up here.
0:18.2	Should true love be easy or should it take work?
0:22.1	Should love be easy or should it take work? Should love be easy or should it take work?
0:25.4	And I know you probably know the answer to this, but here's my short answer.
0:31.8	The right love isn't effortless, but it isn't exhausting either.
0:38.3	The right love isn't effortless, but it isn't exhausting either. The right love isn't effortless, but also it shouldn't be exhausting.
0:44.0	You know, it shouldn't be years and years of work and constant work and so much work that you can't find joy in a relationship, right?
0:53.0	Is it true that you feel it when you found the one
0:55.7	ooh great question first i'm not a big fan of the term the one oh i think it's dangerous you know um
1:06.9	i like the one in front of you that's what i like so that is the one who you choose to love is the one in front of you. That's what I like. So that is the one.
1:11.9	Who you choose to love is the one.
1:14.4	Because if you really believe that there's only one person for you to be with in this world,
1:19.2	you're going to be looking over the fence a lot when there's conflict, right?
1:22.8	And so it can be a way out.
1:24.7	It can be just a term that gets you to see if the grass is greener and i think
1:30.5	it's very it's very very programming so there there is no one there's the one in front of you
1:39.3	you choose to love okay and then as far as uh do you feel it do you know uh? I think yes. I think it comes in moments. I think it isn't as obvious as we would like to think or have been programmed to think with rom-coms and, you know, Disney movies and stuff. I don't think it's eyes meet across the room and you have a gut feeling.
2:03.6	I mean, sure, maybe that's possible.
2:05.8	But I think for most of us, we choose to love someone.
2:10.5	And in moments, we know this person is the one that we are supposed to be with and that we want to be with and also that we're
2:20.0	going to learn and grow the most with because of the moments, because of the moment after,
2:27.7	you know, conflict, there was healthy repair because of the moment when you see that this
	...

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