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Woo!

Welcome to Ambridge on the couch.

An in-depth look at the archers with me, Harriet Carmichael, Lucy Freeman, Jeff Thomas, Matt Rodriguez-Pain and James Everett.

Now, before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge.

We began the week with Helen bossing kids about just for a change, but this time it was goatey kids. Chelsea and Zaynab went up to look at the

goats and Pat and Helen talked to them both as if they were five. These are animals. Have

you seen them before? Mind you, Helen is a woman who describes her child as having an active social life

rather than friends. Unbelievably, the bull was expecting people to pay to watch Kenton and

Jazz are prancing about in silly hats, whacking each other with sticks. I'd happily pay for

Jazza to knock Kenton out any money you like, or indeed Peggy Woolley, if she could summon up the

energy for a good left hook. But I wouldn't want to be taught Morris dancing by two

pranets who'd only just learn how to do it off the internet no I don't know who wrote the

drink scene between Freddie and Lily but I'm not entirely sure they've ever met a human

before Freddie referred to Lily as sis does anyone in real life do that apart from when you're seven and you're pretending

you're on a horse riding around the playground?

Freddie said the chaps at work were jesting rather than joking.

And Lily followed this up with the almost entirely Acorn Antiquesian sentence.

You've really made a place for yourself at the abattoir.

...