Happy Bit: How to Handle Critical People

Vibrant Happy Women

Jen Riday

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4.8 • 671 Ratings

🗓️ 2 November 2017

⏱️ 4 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Sometimes criticism can leave us feeling raw and frustrated, feelings we definitely want less of. What do you do when somebody seems to be hypercritical, constantly pointing out your flaws or how you "should" or "could" do something better? In this Happy Bit you'll learn a powerful strategy to stop criticizers (and whiners) in their tracks so you can stay in a more positive frame of mind more often.

jenriday.com/happy86

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey there, Jen here, and this is a happy bit. I'm talking in this episode about those times when
0:06.3	someone in your life is critical or negative or makes you feel lousy. What do you do? Well,
0:12.3	sometimes you might snap back and shout back and defend yourself. Well, John Gottman,
0:18.6	a famous marriage and family therapist researcher said that there are four things
0:24.0	that are very destructive to any marriage these are criticism contempt defensiveness and stonewalling
0:31.1	criticism of course is when you're finding fault in the other person contempt is kind of an emotion of being better than the other
0:39.0	person, kind of like a sneer or like, they're awful, they stink. Devensiveness, of course, is when
0:45.8	you're always thinking someone's out to get you and you're not giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.
0:51.7	So you kind of jump all over whatever they say, defending yourself. And finally, stonewalling is when you refuse to talk at all. And you're silent
1:00.0	and maybe you do some passive aggressive non-interaction to show that you're in control.
1:06.7	So how do we handle criticism? That's the one I want to talk about today. And if someone's criticizing you,
1:13.6	what do you do? I think it can be as simple as saying, hey, thanks for that, but can you think of a
1:20.5	positive thing you could say right now? Or I appreciate your concern. I would really love if you
1:27.1	could come up with something positive right now,
1:29.3	just pointing it out gently. More often than not, people learn to criticize from their own parents
1:34.9	and we can train them in the way we expect to be treated by simply reversing it in a kind and
1:41.3	gentle way. Now, what if you feel an immediate reaction in your body
1:45.3	or reaction of anger or frustration and you want to lash out for what they said? Take a deep breath.
1:51.2	Take 10 deep breaths if you need to. Maybe even go somewhere else. Just turn on your heel and
1:56.0	leave and say, hey, I'll be back in a minute. I don't like what you said. And come back when you're
2:00.0	calm and then say your statement. You know, thanks for what you said, but a minute. I don't like what you said. And come back when you're calm and then say your
2:01.1	statement. You know, thanks for what you said, but no thanks. I was hoping you could figure out a
	...

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