Happiness Break: How to Be Your Own Best Friend, with Kristin Neff

The Science of Happiness

PRX and Greater Good Science Center

Science, Social Sciences

4.4 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 2 June 2022

⏱️ 9 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Take 10 minutes to be guided through a practice of meaningful self-kindness: A self-compassion break with Kristin Neff.

How to Do This Practice:

Think of a situation in your life that is difficult and is causing you stress. For this practice, especially if you are new to it, it's better to choose something that is moderately difficult in your life, rather than overwhelming.
Call the situation to mind and get in touch with what happened or what you think might happen.
Now say to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering.” This acknowledgment is a form of mindfulness—of noticing what is going on for you emotionally in the present moment, without judging that experience as good or bad. You can also say to yourself, “This hurts” or “This is stress.” Use whatever statement feels most natural to you.
Next, say to yourself, “Suffering is a part of life.” This is a recognition of your common humanity with others—that all people have trying experiences, and these experiences give you something in common with the rest of humanity rather than mark you as abnormal or deficient. Other options for this statement include “Other people feel this way,” “I’m not alone,” or “We all struggle in our lives.”
Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch on your chest, and say, “May I be kind to myself.” You can also consider whether there is another specific phrase that would speak to you in that particular situation. Some examples: “May I give myself the compassion that I need,” “May I accept myself as I am,” “May I learn to accept myself as I am,” “May I forgive myself,” “May I be strong,” and “May I be patient.”

Today’s Happiness Break host:

Kristin Neff is the creator of this practice and a professor of psychology at The University of Texas, Austin. She is a pioneer in the study of self-compassion and the author of the book, Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.

Order Dr. Neff’s book: https://tinyurl.com/yaubmy7v
Learn More About Dr. Neff’s work: https://self-compassion.org/
Find classes taught by Dr. Neff; https://tinyurl.com/4kf52x8c
Follow Dr. Neff on Twitter: https://twitter.com/self_compassion\
Follow Dr. Neff on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/neffselfcompassion/

Find the full Self-Compassion Break practice at our Greater Good in Action website:
https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break

More resources from The Greater Good Science Center:

Take Our Self-Compassion Quiz: https://tinyurl.com/yysrf663
Try Dr. Neff’s Fierce Self-Compassion Break: https://tinyurl.com/yk9yzh9u\
How to Bring Self-Compassion to Work with You: https://tinyurl.com/45zkrkam
The Five Myths of Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/2p88vass\
Read Dr. Neff’s interview about Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/286njtje
How Self-Compassion Can Help You Through a Breakup: https://tinyurl.com/222scejz
Can Self-Compassion Overcome Procrastination? https://tinyurl.com/mrfmvyj
Can Self-Compassion Help Trans Teens Thrive? https://tinyurl.com/4xs7nxre

Tell us about your experiences and struggles with self-compassion and this practice emailing us at [email protected] or using the hashtag #happinesspod.

Find us on Amazon Music: https://tinyurl.com/28hcdfsd

Help us share Happiness Break!
Leave us a 5-star review and copy and share this link: pod.link/1340505607

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	We all need breaks, lunch breaks, coffee breaks, and happiness breaks.
0:11.1	I'm Dacker Keltner, welcome to Happiness Break, a new series by the Science of Happiness.
0:21.1	On each episode, we'll guide you through research-backed practices to develop more empathy,
0:25.1	kindness, human connection, and resilience, all in under 10 minutes.
0:30.0	We'll release new Happiness Break episodes on alternating weeks from the Science of Happiness,
0:35.7	so we'll return with another episode of the Science of Happiness next week.
0:40.4	Today we're going to try a practice to help us be more self-compassionate.
0:45.6	Self-compassion is simply kindness turned inward.
0:49.7	Think about when someone you care about is struggling in some way.
0:53.1	If you listen to them, you're there for them, you do anything for them.
0:57.3	We often believe that we need to be hard on ourselves to be motivated, that self-kindness
1:03.3	is being soft, and that if we're kind to ourselves, we won't get things done.
1:09.1	But the opposite is true.
1:10.4	If you told your friend, I hate you, you're horrible.
1:14.1	What would the result be?
1:15.4	The similar result ends up with ourselves.
1:18.5	Research from Psychologist Kristen Neff at the University of Texas at Austin shows when
1:22.0	we practice being self-compassionate.
1:24.9	We can feel less stress, less burnout and less anxiety, and we're more productive.
1:30.7	And so really it's a way of relating the suffering that's much more helpful.
1:35.1	Today Kristen is going to lead us in a short version of the self-compassionate break practice.
1:39.8	She's created and studied really from so many angles.
	...

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