From Codependent to Interdependent - Keys To a Thriving Relationship

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5 • 643 Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2021

⏱️ 39 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

The term codependent is often used incorrectly in relationships. Yes, codependency, or needing external sources, things, or even people to give one a feeling of self-worth, is not the healthiest way to navigate a relationship, but often, with just a few tweaks, we can move a codependent relationship into an interdependent relationship. Tony refers to the article, “How To Build a Relationship Based on Interdependence” by Jodi Clarke, LPC (https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-build-a-relationship-based-on-interdependence-4161249) where she shares: Interdependence involves a balance of self and others within the relationship, recognizing that both partners are working to be present and meet each other's physical and emotional needs in appropriate and meaningful ways. Please subscribe to The Virtual Couch YouTube channel at https://www.youtube.com/c/TheVirtualCouchPodcast/ (https://www.youtube.com/c/TheVirtualCouchPodcast/) and follow The Virtual Couch on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/virtualcouch/ (https://www.instagram.com/virtualcouch/) This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch) you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your own mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch (http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch)offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. Tony's FREE parenting course, “Tips For Parenting Positively Even In the Not So Positive Times” is available NOW. Just go to https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/ (https://www.tonyoverbay.com/courses-2/)and sign up today. This course will help you understand why it can be so difficult to communicate with and understand your children. You’ll learn how to keep your buttons hidden, how to genuinely give praise that will truly build inner wealth in your child, teen, or even in your adult children, and you’ll learn how to move from being “the punisher” to being someone your children will want to go to when they need help.Tony's new best-selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBoTony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4 (https://amzn.to/33fk0U4). The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields.You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com (http://pathbackrecovery.com) And visit http://tonyoverbay.

Transcript

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0:00.0	One of the most frustrating things for me is a therapist is misinformation, and some of it comes
0:05.1	from a cute, fun place. It's good, it's well-meaning. Take one of my favorite pop psychology
0:10.0	myths, for example. It's one I like to challenge whenever I go speak out on the road. It's the old,
0:14.5	how many days does it take to create a new habit? And this is not a habit change podcast, but bear with me for a second. So what pops into your mind?
0:22.0	If you're like most people, you'd think 21 days.
0:24.1	But the truth, according to a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology,
0:29.3	takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit, depending on the habit,
0:34.6	depending on the person.
0:36.1	The study also concluded that on average, it takes 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.
0:42.2	But again, this is not a podcast about habit change.
0:45.5	So let me get back on track.
0:47.0	And my work as a couple's therapist in particular, I run into the word codependency on a regular basis.
0:52.9	Now, let me just break down the definition of
0:55.2	codependent. Codependency, the definition, excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner
1:02.1	typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction, quote, the tie that
1:07.7	binds most of us together in this trap called codependency.
1:11.5	So I've spoken often about codependency, and when codependency goes south, when it turns bad,
1:19.1	we're talking about self-worth coming from external sources.
1:22.1	Co-dependent people need external sources or things or other people to give them feelings of
1:26.6	self-worth. Often following
1:28.0	destructive parental relationships, abusive past, or self-destructive partners, codependence
1:32.5	learn to react to others, worry about others, and depend on others to help them feel useful
	...

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