We’re back with some more therapeutic goodness as we approach the tail end of our therapy series with another fire episode! Awareness around mental health, trauma, dysfunctional family systems and more has been coming into the national awareness on a bigger level over the last 10 years. But back in 1986, the concept of codependency was really new. And unless you were deep into studying sociology or psychology or seeing a therapist yourself back then (also something that wasn’t as widely accepted), Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More, gave words to the masses who never had a way to describe these types of relationships in their lives. Codependency can worm its way into our lives—the definition being; those imbalanced relationships in our lives where one person enables another person’s self-destructive behavior (like addiction, immaturity, or even irresponsibility). It’s a bit insidious for those who don’t know what it looks like, and for so many, Melody’s book was a resource to help free themselves from something they may not have even recognized in their own lives. 35 years later, it’s still shining a light on those situations. Melody comes in with a scalpel to cut away to this very precise way of behaving and relating to another that is cloaked in good intentions and self-righteousness but is actually ruining our relationships. And fun fact, we were the very first podcast Melody has ever been on! Last year, she celebrated a new edition of her book honoring 35 years of its impact. Melody and Jen walk through how to recognize what codependency is and how it might be a part of your life and your relationships—which are the first important steps toward making an enormous change for the better.

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Thought-Provoking Quotes:

“Until I understood my codependency, I didn't really feel like I had a life. I was just responding to others wherever I went.” - Melody Beattie

“Codependency is being so obsessed with other people that that's all we can see and so out of touch with ourselves that we don't even see that anymore.” - Melody Beattie

“Seeing ourselves is probably the bravest yet most

painful thing we're ever asked to do in this

lifetime. Seeing ourselves every day for the rest of our

lives, instead of focusing on the other person and figuring

out what they need to do to be better, to make them

happier, to live better lives, all the things that we really

should be doing for ourselves, but nobody ever ever told

us.”- Melody Beattie

“The key to codependency is the victim story. Somewhere underneath everything, there is a victim story and we're just simply writing the next page or the next chapter of it every time we interact with someone.” - Melody Beattie

“When we take care of a person in a way that we feel victimized by it, that is just keeping our victim story going. And that doesn't feel good. Although for many of us, it feels so comfortable.” - Melody Beattie

“Is it important to me to enjoy my life–not your life, not his life, not her life–to enjoy my life today and to love myself, at least as much as I love others?” - Melody Beattie

Melody’s Links:
Website: https://melodybeattie.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authormelodybeattie/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/writermelodybeattie/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/melodybeattie

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

For the Love episode with Dr. Brene Brown: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/getting-vulnerable-with-dr-bren%C3%A9-brown/id1258388821?i=1000391341377

Earnie Larson Books:

https://www.hazelden.org/store/author/626?Earnie-Larsen

Sharon Stone’s biography: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-beauty-of-living-twice-sharon-stone/1137456964

Connect with Jen!
Jen’s website: http://jenhatmaker.com/

Jen’s Instagram: https://instagram.com/jenhatmaker
Jen’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/jenHatmaker/

Jen’s Facebook: https://facebook.com/jenhatmaker
Jen’s YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/JenHatmaker?sub_confirmation=1

*original episode broadcast previously on the For the Love Apple Premium Podcast Channel