In this episode we discuss how to build self control and self esteem. We look at what happens when you lose control - and how to develop the strategies so that you can feel calm and collected in tough situations. We discuss the importance of having an “allegiance to reality,” share concrete strategies for building self esteem, discuss the relationship between pain and fulfillment - and discuss how you can never get angry again with our guest Dr. David Lieberman. Dr. David Lieberman is a New York Times bestselling author and expert in the fields of human behavior and interpersonal relationships. His most recent work Never Get Angry Again dives into the science behind our emotions and how we can stay calm in any situation. His work has been featured on ABC, The Today Show, NPR, Entrepreneur and more.Why do people get angry? What’s at the root of anger?At the core of anger is a feeling of vulnerabilityWhen we become angry the brain releases a number of neurotransmitters and hormones - and it gives us the illusion of feeling in controlAs our self esteem erodes, we like ourselves less, we get angrierThe degree that we don’t like ourselves, the more we need other people to validate us, engaging the egoWhen someone is angry - it's about them, its not about youThe core of anger is fear and a fear of losing control Anger creates the illusion of controlPeople with low self esteem are often the most controlling people - because they need to be able to influence things around them, because they feel like they don’t have control of themselvesSelf control is at the CORE of self esteem. If you can control your own behavior, you begin to build self esteem.How do you build self esteem?Recognize that you’re in pain. Acknowledge and accept that. Allegiance to reality at all costs. Don’t pretend that it doesn’t exist. Self compassion, not self pity. Don’t beat yourself up more. With self love, you begin to grow out of pain. Reconnect with who you are. What are you living for?Living being driven by the ego - causes pain and sufferingSlow simple progress, moving step by step out of darkness will begin to fuel self esteem The entire trajectory of our lives can be shaped by our egoFocusing on achieving to win the praise and approval of other peopleQuestions to break through the ego and understand what really matters to you:What would I do if I had all the money I needed?What would I do if I felt that I couldn't fail?What would I do if I was unconditionally loved?Neurotics build castles in the sky, psychotics live in them, and psychiatrists charge rentThe beginning of mental health is when you face yourself. Ask yourself: Where have I been trying to ignore a reality?By ignoring a problem, you end up compounding it and feeling worse and worse about yourself. "Blame mode" conflicts with "solution mode". We live in culture that fosters the idea of not accepting responsibility and blaming other peopleThe way to gain self esteem is to ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY “The lottery curse” - what is it?Money, intelligence, life experience have no bearing on happiness - just the QUALITY OF OUR CHOICESThe power of decision is the power to change your life.Painful experiences ultimately help create meaning in our livesJill Bolte Taylor "90 Second Rule" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.