eve rodsky's "fair play" method for dividing household labor will improve your marriage

So Into That

Caro Chambers

Society & Culture, Food, Arts

5 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 20 March 2024

⏱️ 74 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

I love each and every guest we’ve had on this show, but I’m just gonna say it: for me at least, this episode is probably the most important and relevant one we’ve done yet.

Today we have Eve Rodsky, the Harvard-trained author of Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live).

I personally credit Eve’s ideas – and the playing cards that help you implement them – with making the “invisible work” of running my own household visible, and equitably dividing that work with my husband.

As you’ll hear today, Eve embarked on this journey to find answers to her own problem. After becoming a mom of two, she watched as she became the default doer of the things, all while feeling sidelined in her career and “abandoned” by her husband (whom she still loved).

In other words, her “Sh*t I Do” list grew longer and longer without any real discussion of who should actually do what.

Fair Play is the antidote to that problem, and this episode breaks down the method in detail. You’ll come away equipped to start a conversation with your partner; identify and fairly divide responsibilities; create space for yourself; and ultimately live a happier, healthier life.

Eve and I also get into:

* Why household labor tends to be so unequal

* Men over-reporting and women under-reporting their contributions

* How to raise this topic with your partner

* What Fair Play looks like in action in my own marriage

* “He’s the income earner. So shouldn’t I handle everything in the home?”

* Understanding the different types of labor (daily grind vs. on your own time)

* Hard-to-define responsibilities like spirituality and “magic” (tooth fairy, etc.)

* Why it’s so important to own a task completely

* Eve’s key to staying happy even as you shoulder more responsibility in life

Links:

* Fair Play book

* Fair Play cards

* Fair Play documentary

* Eve’s second book, Find Your Unicorn Space

* Eve’s podcast with Dr. Aditi Nerurkar

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, welcome back to So into That. I'm your host Caroline Chambers and I am so excited for today's episode.
0:07.5	I think every single episode that I've done that I've recorded on so into that has been in lightning and fun in some capacity
0:16.0	but I think that this episode is the most important one that I've recorded so far and like how will I ever
0:22.3	top it?
0:23.0	Eve Rodsky is our guest today and Eve is the founder and creator of the fair play method and the fair play method is a method of dividing the household labor in your home and basically with that why is that important?
0:38.8	Like why is that important if you have ever felt like you pull all the weight with parenting or with your kids or with
0:46.6	dinner and you don't know how to broach that conversation with your spouse of like, well,
0:51.2	let's kind of balance the scales here a little bit. This
0:54.0	conversation is for you. I don't think I'm a single girlfriend who hasn't felt that
0:57.5	way at some point in their marriage and you've was a lawyer lawyer, people always make fun of me for the same way as a lawyer, because I'm southern, but guys, that's how it's spelled, lawyer.
1:09.0	Eve is a lawyer, okay a lawyer, and after she had kids she just found this like really huge imbalance in her
1:19.1	marriage and suddenly she was miserable she was like this isn't who I am this isn't who my husband is like what is going on here
1:25.6	And she basically sat down you'll hear how it came to play but she's created this method this helped like hundreds of thousands of people across the world to rebalance the home and it's not just about like okay you know you do the laundry I do the dishes it's not just about that it's also about finding space to
1:45.2	reclaim that you're right to be interesting so I think a lot of moms a lot of my friends
1:50.5	feel like doing anything for themselves is selfish like I can't go play tennis like I should be with the kids I can't go play tennis I would have to get a babysitter
1:58.5	Eve's methods like allows people to
2:08.3	rebalance priorities and rebalance the actual labor of the home in a way that allows us to live more interesting and better and more fulfilled lives.
2:13.4	I truly think this is the most important thing
2:15.5	that anybody who is co-parenting especially,
2:18.6	but even just living with the partner
2:21.0	can hear right now. George and I did the fair play cards that you guys will hear about in a second
2:26.8	several months ago and it's like radicalized the way that we turn it together our
	...

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