So Bob, we have a bunch of emails from listeners directed towards you and me to answer what do you say Bob that we read these and respond and record it and post it on the internet. What do you say?

I say that yesterday I was thinking about this in our opening and I thought maybe I'll say the thing Kirk says well let's see if something interesting comes out of our faces.

This is the psychology and Seattle podcast. I'm your host Dr. Kirk Honda. I'm a therapist and a professor who are you Bob?

I am a therapist in practice here in Seattle and your old friend from school 100 years ago.

100 years at least. You look remarkably young. I don't I think your hair length has changed but nothing else about you is different. Maybe your beard is a little thicker but nothing else about you is different from the day I met you.

I don't know man. I'm going to start posting some throwback Thursday pictures on Instagram. All right of you and me and I think I think both of us are definitely we've we've aged I know I have.

So okay first so all these email I compiled a bunch of emails about professionalism and ethics. Oh an honest patron he writes hello Kirk and Bob your podcast inspired me to go to therapy.

I had a phone conversation with a potential therapist today. I told him about my problems and I asked how are we going to work together to address some of these issues.

He replied by asking me why I would like to know that and that I am asking and that what I am asking shows a need for quote unquote control and that feeling me oh sorry and that telling me his approach is not going to make a difference and that I need to trust him as opposed to interview him.

He communicated this politely by the way I understood this point of view but the conversation left a bad taste in my mouth in general I was under the impression that questioning therapists about their approach even though it might sound direct was part of the therapy process what are your opinions on this Bob what do you think.

Wow yeah a bit horrified yeah I encourage people to ask questions I was talking to somebody in the phone yesterday who was interested in hiring me and he's like well what are you even supposed to ask so I gave him like a list of five or six questions that I ask therapists when I'm hiring them and I encourage to he's like okay so can you answer all your questions and I did I answered all my questions what are those questions.

How long you been doing it what's your training background how much of your practices devoted to folks who have my kind of trouble how much what percentage of the clients that you so how long have you been doing that what's your specific training with that and there's one more but I can't remember what it is.

What would you do with me maybe yeah yeah maybe what would you what is your approach right like so I he asked me about that and I was talking generally about you know attachment orientation and how there's a focus on our relationship and the experience of our relationship which is useful for this that reason you know and I'm being more articulate now I'm just summarizing.

And I I encourage everybody that calls me to ask these questions I can't tell you how many times I've said to people these are the kinds of questions that I would ask if I were you and pay attention to not just the response that the person has but how you feel as you listen and I think the person writing in here is telling us that they feel uncomfortable that they feel anxious and that tells us something you know like what's your gut telling you I think your gut's telling you you don't need us to tell you you already know what you're doing.

I want to do I say trust that and I I think that having no knowledge of a person and saying that you understand that their intention is controlling is a it can't be known so sort of weird and be the thought that went through my head about this whole thing is maybe this therapist doesn't how to do his elevator speech or doesn't know how to describe what he does or he she does.

Well enough and they find themselves on the defense maybe they can fabulate their own brain that you know this is a good thing to do or maybe it's been modeled for them I bet the second one but I I don't I don't I think if I'm going to a surgeon I want to know exactly what is what is it that you do and that doesn't make me control freak that makes me just a smart consumer I don't like that word consumer.

No I mean you know the broader sense the consumer of a product of a service and that's one way to look at it yeah this is a huge big time yikes I agree with everything you're saying Bob and doing the analogy of a surgeon makes total sense if if you went to a surgeon and you were asking them to help you with taking out cancer or something

and you said what are you going to do to me and they're just like well well well you're a little controlling aren't you you know you just need to trust me and years like well can you just give me a summary of what you're going to do well I find it very interesting that you want to know that question you know that you're that you're so controlling that you know what what what did what did this person why would I want to know that and by asking it shows a need for control

and telling me his approach is not going to make a difference you don't need to know you know if you know what I'm going to do it doesn't make it and you need to trust me and okay so yeah this does not surprise me it is a very it's one of the more common ethical violations that therapists and psychotherapists will commit there's a complete lack of training I spend a fair amount of time but probably not enough time because of all the other things

I have to attend to and my training of supervisees on this question I will say I'm a client and I'm and I calling you on the phone and I have trauma and I have just asked you what are you going to do with me

and you know my trainees will just look at me with this blank stare I don't know what I'm supposed to say and I say that's fine because literally no one has trained you on this no one has trained you how to consolidate all the information in your head

and communicate it to a lay person to properly inform them and so practice makes perfect and I'll model it this is what I would say and and it's also a culture in our industry that certain ideas will flourish where we need to keep clients in the dark about a lot of things

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