Esther Calling - Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me?

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 16 September 2024

⏱️ 42 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Esther speaks to a woman who feels frustrated and stuck in her dating patterns. She loves going on dates, regularly meets people out and about, and feels open to having multiple forms of a relationship. And still…she gets to one or two or three dates before the relationship fizzles out. Esther gives her a new way to think about it and reframes her frustrations. Esther's has two new courses coming out this week. If you are interested in Bringing Back Desire or Playing With Desire in your relationships, then click the link below for more. And if you join the waitlist before 9/17, you will have the chance to ask Esther your questions about desire and eroticism and special access to a foreplay challenge Esther has dreamed up just for you. For more go to: https://www.estherperel.com/the-art-of-desire-waitlist Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi Esther, so when I wrote in I mentioned a few different things which I'm trying to summarize under one question so please bear with me.
0:08.0	I'm 33 and dating is a challenge. I'm genuinely trying to find someone who is compatible with me
0:14.6	who I can see a long-term future with. I've tried the avenues that I can think of, the
0:21.2	apps, asking friends and family if they might know someone and unfortunately I'm not able to meet the kind of person who I'm aligned with.
0:30.0	My question is how much effort is a healthy amount to put into the pursuit of
0:36.0	dating. I feel like I talk about it a lot and it's not in a whoo is me type of way
0:41.1	it's in a how do I solve this problem way?
0:44.5	I'm genuinely curious about this, and that's why I think about it and talk about it a lot.
0:49.7	I'm not ruminating, but I am trying to understand and analyze it.
0:55.0	Also, unlike other aspects of my life,
0:58.0	where I know that if I put in a certain amount of effort or focus,
1:01.0	I'll get better outcomes, there doesn't seem to be a correlation in that way
1:06.0	with dating.
1:07.0	I also know that after a certain point of thinking about the same topic, there are diminishing
1:11.8	returns, and I'm just wondering where that line is.
1:16.4	There is a lot of discourse online like on Instagram and Tik-Toc where women are feeling sway
1:22.1	and the response is to
1:23.4	de-enter men and de-enter dating which I respect and can empathize with but I don't
1:28.9	think that's the right solution for me because in my opinion it's addressing the wrong problem. This isn't
1:36.0	about desperation of being someone's girlfriend or wife. To me this is about
1:41.4	building a true partnership which is why I don't want to give up on it or distract myself with something else.
1:50.0	I have amazing relationships with my friends and family which I'm so grateful for and I'm really happy with myself.
	...

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