You know I've been reflecting on my past relationship. I've been thinking about all the challenges I faced and despite my desire for a stable fulfilling partnership I find myself repeating patterns that have led to pain and failure.

I've been married four times and 46 now and each marriage ended in divorce.

In my first marriage I experienced physical abuse and in my third emotional abuse.

My second and fourth husbands, they were good men,

for my deeply respected, and yet I still betrayed their trust through infidelity.

I ended all my marriages by cheating on my

husbands. I was not happy in my sexual life with any of them until my current relationship

which is with a married man who became my affair three and a half years ago when I decided to quit my fourth marriage.

Now he is on the way out of his marriage and it kind of gets serious between us and I feel that I start to create problems for us because as I understand myself I fear to make this

relationship serious because I'm afraid that I will step into the same pattern as I had before.

Despite my longing for a life partner, I question really my ability to maintain a healthy and stable relationship and I question why I

ended all my relationships before by cheating.

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First thing in the morning, as soon as you wake up the to do list starts.

Does the car need gas? Hopefully those leftovers are still good.

Why did I could see seat call mom?

No. You can't escape the to do list but you can make the most of your me

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