again I just do it just dropped to the kitchen floor and I just sat there against the cabinets and I just

fucking cried and I was like this fucking sucks this sucks so bad and if I'm going through this with just this minute situation, like, it terrified me.

It absolutely terrified me and it got me to a place of, I don't know if I'm going to be returning east

because I don't know if I'm getting out of this situation. You're training to be a street cop?

I'm Kenny Williams.

I teach an addiction mastermind with street cop training and I'm with Ali Ubb

and some other names, so we'll let her go and introduce yourself from there.

Hey Kenny, hey guys, it's Ali, how's it going?

Maybe we try to do this multiple times before this, that's why we're laughing because it's been a complete cluster fuck.

So we're going to go from there, but I'm here with Ali today and we're going to talk a little bit

about the internal stresses of the job and not so much that what we prepare ourselves for as cops, we prepare ourselves for the external stuff of, you know, like bad guys, fights, all these things like the normal stuff that most people think that cops deal with on a daily basis.

But there's a lot of internal things that within departments and dynamics that I think hamper cops more than any of that external stress and we also see some pretty

traumatic things just in general in life but as cops we're seeing that on a daily

basis where most people are seeing traumatic

incidences maybe a handful of times a year. We're seeing that if not daily,

weekly. That was that was a big piece of me getting out truthfully was all those internal stresses and my feeling as though I didn't have the

proper outlet for it and it's actually something I just talked about recently on a podcast,

the, with the anti-heera podcast, that I didn't feel like I had that outlet for everything that I had going on.

I also didn't feel like I had that support system within my life

to feel the safety to let it out to someone who would actually understand what I was going through.

Like we have each other of course but I feel like there's

always that that stigma still even though we're all going through it it's like you don't want to exactly admit what's going on in your mind realistically.

...