Episode 83: How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.8 • 2.2K Ratings

🗓️ 22 December 2022

⏱️ 64 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument.

We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection.

Links & Resources:

Mental Load Workbook

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode83

Transcript

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0:00.0	So we got somebody to send us a very long text message fight that they had with their partner.
0:06.9	And we thought we're going to go through this step by step and break down.
0:10.9	What did they do wrong? What did they do right?
0:13.9	How could they have had this fight more effectively and more fairly?
0:23.7	Hello and welcome to the Pillotox podcast. We're your host, Vanessa.
0:28.4	And Zander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.
0:32.7	And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you
0:37.2	step-by-step techniques for improving yours.
0:40.0	Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips,
0:44.5	practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on
0:49.6	behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.
0:56.0	Today, we are talking about fighting. And actually, one of the most common questions that we get
1:02.5	on Instagram is, do we ever fight? Of course not. Yeah. I mean, we're perfect.
1:09.2	Yeah, relationship goals, right? Never fight. Yeah.
1:12.8	Yeah. End of the episode. Goodbye.
1:16.5	It always cracks me up when we get that question because, yeah, obviously we fight.
1:20.8	Like every couple fights. I mean, I think this is a separate diet tribe for a different episode
1:26.3	all about how social media is very easy to make it seem like everybody else is leading these perfect
1:31.6	conflict-free, just effortlessly wonderful lives. But yes, we are a normal couple,
1:37.2	just like every other couple we have fights. Do you remember the last thing that we fought about?
1:43.0	Well, I was very close to instigating a fight about 10 minutes ago when I was giving you
1:49.0	unsolicited advice about your own body. You thought that was close to a fight?
	...

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