You are listening to Feeding the Mouth That Bites You with Ashley Parrish and Jessica Pfeiffer.

A weekly podcast guide on parenting teens and launching them into the world. As always, we are joined by psychologist and author, Dr. Ken Wilgus.

Hey, everyone and welcome back. Today's episode is part two of the communicating with teen series we're just going to dive

right in dr kin i feel like communication is kind of like a ball in the teenagers court so what

advice would you give to parents who are doing all of these things that you've mentioned and they're

still getting pushback from their teens their teens are still kind of closed off and don't want to

communicate. Okay, that's a good question. I like the way you put that. I think what we just talked

about with control issues, which is a common thing that interferes with communication with teenagers.

I think it's a good idea to keep in mind what you just said that communication is really a ball that

is in the teenagers court. You cannot force it.

But once you've done those things to be careful that you're not pushing or requiring, that you've

really given the message that, hey, you know, you don't have to tell me this or that, but I'd

really like to talk to you. There's still a couple of other common problems that you may be having

if they still don't open up. One of them is trust. You know, it's surprising

how paranoid teenagers are about what a parent may or may not say to other people about what they

tell you. So, you know, I can remember hearing at a gathering, there was some mother standing next

to her daughter, I think it was 14, and she was just loudly holding forth about, oh, and now this

one, she likes two different boys, and I don't even know if they know who she is, and this poor

girl was just melting with her mother, you know, telling it's really, you know, not careful at all.

And so trust is important. Now, I think most parents know not to do that, but it is also a good idea to not miss the opportunity to just reassure your teenager.

Something that you know full well, he won't mind if you tell to her grandfather. You don't lose anything by asking him. Hey, do you mind if I tell your granddad that? No, I don't mind.

Just like letting him know, remember that I'm being careful with what you tell me. Those things

...