It's Christmas Eve and I've got a message from someone who's struggling with doubt and so for today's Ask Science Mike Minnie the last one of the holiday season. I thought we might lean in to

his questions about the reality and nature of God at Christmas.

Hey Mike. Christmas.

Hey Mike, my name is Logan. I'm a youth pastor at a little southern Baptist church in Texas,

and I've been struggling with deconstruction. What I mean is it's happening, whether I like it or not. I'm not sure how my family and my church are going to handle what I'm coming to believe. I don't even know what that is yet, but it isn't going

to end where they are. I felt alone, forced to keep these things to myself. I don't want to hurt the people I love.

I was contemplating stepping down from my position as youth pasture. How can I expect to lead a group of fragile kids in the way my

church would desire if I'm not even sure that God exists on most days? I thought about

telling everyone about my struggles, stepping down and not hiding anymore.

And then one of the oldest youth and his father died this last weekend in an accident involving a drunk driver who was also killed.

And if I thought I felt loneliness before I had no idea. I've been wandering around in the post-apocalyptic

parts of my soul, watching hopelessly as the foundations of it all crumble and deconstruct, all trying to figure out what I believe about

the afterlife.

And I keep hearing people say at least we know they are in heaven, do we?

I don't know how to talk to the youth who have placed their trust in me.

I don't know how to console these kids searching for answers when I'm not certain there are any answers.

Maybe this is all just senseless suffering and destruction, the cost of life, until the

sun swallows us up in billions of years. I don't know what to tell these kids, according

to what they've been taught, their friend is dancing in heaven right now in the presence

of the Almighty God. And I don't know if I believe that anymore.

I'm not even convinced that scripture teaches that we are heavenbound when we die.

But I want to believe that there is something pushing

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