Episode 321: The Selfish Woman with Valerie Jones
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 1 May 2025
⏱️ 47 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Valerie Jones joins me for a powerful conversation about something so many of us need to hear: redefining what it truly means to be selfish. Valerie is a life coach, host of The Selfish Woman Podcast, and the author of the upcoming book The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself, hitting shelves in September 2025.
In our conversation, Valerie shares the transformative experience of her own "selfish year" after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship — a year that challenged her to get radically honest with herself and stop outsourcing her self-worth. We also dive into dating as a self-growth experiment (yes, really!), how emotional safety shapes our experiences of sex and intimacy, and why centering ourselves is not only radical, but absolutely necessary.
Here's what else we get into, in this episode:
- Why Valerie chose "selfish" as her word of the year and how it became a life-changing framework (5:38)
- What Valerie's recovery from people-pleasing looked like, and how it shows up in her work and life today (15:26)
- Emotional safety is non-negotiable for sex and intimacy (25:39)
- How to start trusting yourself again after emotional abuse (32:25)
Learn more about Val Jones: Valerie Jones is a Life Coach for women who are ready to create the life they truly desire. She is on a mission to redefine the word selfish, and help women learn how to prioritize themselves. Through her proven methods based in neuroscience, Valerie has helped thousands of women create better lives and relationships.
Valerie is host of The Selfish Woman Podcast and author of The Selfish Year: The Power of Choosing Yourself. She is known for her direct approach and relatability combined with humor and compassion.
Resources:
Thank you to today's podcast sponsor: Wild Pastures
Submit your questions here for possible inclusion in future Q&A podcast episodes
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Valerie's website
The Selfish Woman Podcast
Valerie on TikTok
Valerie on Instagram
Valerie on YouTube
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | And that's where I started going really deep into the self-work. And that's when so many of my |
| 0:07.9 | realizations and lessons happened was in that isolation where I wasn't saying I want a divorce. |
| 0:14.8 | I was saying, I'm going to take as much time as I need to figure out what I want. And this is about me. And so I really |
| 0:22.8 | gave myself permission to just slow the process and find my own answers instead of what I used to do, |
| 0:30.7 | which was just let me do what you want so that you're not unhappy. So you're not disappointed. And |
| 0:36.3 | I'll just abandon myself yet again for everybody |
| 0:39.2 | else. I didn't do that. I wasn't able to do that. And that's where a lot of my transformation |
| 0:45.0 | happened. Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations |
| 0:55.5 | about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay |
| 1:01.6 | or should you go. |
| 1:03.7 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of |
| 1:08.9 | the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some |
| 1:12.1 | of your toughest questions. I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help |
| 1:18.4 | you get to the other side of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 1:43.0 | Hey everyone. Welcome back. I am just home from four unbelievable, incredible days with the most beautiful group of women ever. I am talking about, obviously, |
| 1:47.0 | my unbreakable retreat in Sedona that just wrapped up this past week. And oh my gosh, |
| 1:56.6 | what can I say? It is a leap of faith when anyone goes on a retreat that's this level of work, right? It's a leap of faith. You don't know who these people are that you are going to be engaging in this work with. You don't know where you're going to be staying. You don't know where you're sleeping. In the case of my retreats, where I host them is not at a resort or spa. It's at a |
| 2:22.3 | wellness healing retreat center. And you're sharing rooms with people. And it's weird. |
| 2:31.7 | And everyone kind of has that feeling going into it. |
| 2:35.9 | And they all leave with the most incredible radiance and depth of community and support. |
| 2:48.1 | It is so magical and transformative. |
| 2:50.8 | And I know that I talk a lot when I was promoting |
... |
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