Episode 317: Burned Haystack Dating Method with Jennie Young
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 3 April 2025
⏱️ 57 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Finding a partner after divorce can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. This week's guest, Jennie Young, suggests a bold alternative - burn the haystack. Jennie is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis, designed to push back against the toxic norms built into many modern dating platforms.
In this episode, Jennie shares practical, no-nonsense strategies for using dating apps more intentionally, treating them as tools (not lifelines), turning off notifications, and yes, burning the haystack. We also explore the common rhetorical patterns many men use on apps and how to recognize and respond to them when they show up.
Tune in for an eye-opening conversation that puts you back in control of your dating life, no algorithm required.
Here's what else we get into, in this episode:
- How Burned Haystack Dating Method came to be and the story behind its name (5:22)
- The 10 essential rules that make up the Burned Haystack Dating Method (13:06)
- What critical discourse analysis actually is and how it can help you navigate dating apps with confidence (37:10)
- The rhetorical red flags to look out for, like "Test and apologize," "Are you my mother?" and "Where were you on January 6th?" (38:58)
Learn more about Jennie Young: Jennie Young is the creator of Burned Haystack Dating Method, a dating method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist praxis. It is designed to combat many of the challenges of dating in a market that is too frequently mediated by misogynistic and patriarchal structures. She holds a Ph.D. in rhetoric and discourse studies from Case Western Reserve University and a satire writing certificate from Second City Chicago. Her work has been published in McSweeney's, Ms. Magazine, HuffPost, and others and covered by major media outlets such as The New York Times, Newsweek, RollingStone, and others.
Resources & Links:
Thank you to this episode's sponsor: Wild Pastures
Unbreakable – the Divorce Recovery Retreat, Sedona, AZ in April 2025
Focused Strategy Sessions with Kate
Phoenix Rising: A Divorce Empowerment Collective
Jennie on LinkedIn
Episode 309: Online Dating After Divorce with Alyssa Dineen
DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT AN ATTORNEY, COACH, OR THERAPIST IN YOUR STATE TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.
Episode Link:
https://kateanthony.com/podcast/episode-317-burned-haystack-dating-method-with-jennie-young/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | If you research, like, dating tips for women, you get two pieces of information right away. |
| 0:06.4 | And the first is to make yourself as appealing as possible to as many men as possible. |
| 0:11.2 | And the second is to, like, be open-minded and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and grant people grace. |
| 0:18.4 | Okay, I think those two pieces of advice are the most destructive and counterproductive |
| 0:26.1 | and time wasting and misogynistic and exploitative pieces of advice that women could |
| 0:32.2 | possibly be given. |
| 0:33.6 | And I think women should do the exact opposite. |
| 0:39.9 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:53.9 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival |
| 0:56.6 | guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of the roughest waters you've ever swum in |
| 1:01.5 | and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to hell and back, and now it's my |
| 1:07.6 | mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process with your |
| 1:12.1 | sanity and your heart intact. |
| 1:22.1 | Hey everyone. |
| 1:23.6 | Welcome back. |
| 1:25.1 | Okay. |
| 1:25.5 | So I know I say this all the time, but I'm super stoked about today's episode and sharing it with you. |
| 1:32.3 | This week's guest, Jenny Young, has changed my life. |
| 1:36.9 | And I don't mean that or say that in any way hyperboically. |
| 1:41.5 | Jenny is the creator of the burned haystack dating method. She is a professor of |
| 1:49.0 | rhetoric. The burned haystack dating method is a method grounded in applied rhetoric and feminist |
| 1:57.0 | praxis. So you know that this is up my alley. Jenny has a PhD in rhetoric and |
... |
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