Episode 297: Dr. Nicole LePera: The Holistic Psychologist on Why You Feel Stuck in Your Relationships + What to Do About It

Habits and Hustle

Jen Cohen

Entrepreneurship, Business, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.5 • 818 Ratings

🗓️ 28 November 2023

⏱️ 87 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It's shocking how many people feel lonely in their relationships, even in seemingly picture-perfect ones. Especially in a place like LA, when it looks like someone has it all, but then you speak to people and they’re really dissatisfied and lonely in their relationships. How do we overcome this? That’s what we explore in this episode of the Habits & Hustle podcast with Dr. Nicole Lepera, AKA the Holistic Psychologist. Dr. Nicole LePera dives into why we don’t have a picture perfect relationship and what we can do to deepen and feel satisfied in our relationships. She also discusses the profound impact of childhood trauma and memory suppression on adult relationships, the possibility of shifting trauma bonds and dysfunctional relationship patterns to create more secure, authentic connections, the importance of effective communication about shared goals, and a commitment to personal growth and change for optimizing your relationships. Dr Nicole LePera is a holistic psychologist, and author of the number one international bestseller, How to Do the Work. She received traditional training in clinical psychology at Cornell University and The New School of Social Research. What we discuss: (0:00:01) - The concept of relational trauma and memory suppression and how these can influence adult behavior and relationships (0:08:50) - Understanding the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships, including the patterns we unconsciously repeat from our upbringing (0:19:10) - The difficulty of breaking patterns of behavior passed down through generations and the role of the nervous system in these behaviors (0:23:39) - Attraction and love languages, and how to adjust our patterns of attraction to prevent making the same decisions repeatedly (0:32:33) - How trauma bonds can shift and the steps to move from a dysfunctional relationship to one that is more secure and authentic (0:37:46) - The challenges of breaking generational patterns of behavior and the importance of reconnecting with oneself to foster deeper connections in relationships (0:50:16) - The dynamics of turning a professional relationship into a personal one, and the feelings, conflicts, communication issues, and struggles that come with it (0:56:26) - The unique dynamics of a three-person relationship and the challenges that come with it (1:05:29) - The growth of the global community platform and its benefits (1:15:27) - The importance of self-care in parenting and the significance of showing children how to take care of their own needs (1:21:03) - The importance of secure connections with parents in understanding adult relationships Thank you to our sponsors: Greenfat: Head over to Greenfat.com and use code Hustle20 to save 20%! Therasage: Head over to therasage.com and use code Be Bold for 15% off Pendulum: Head over to www.pendulum.com and use code JENCOHEN for 20% off. Find more from Jen: Website: https://www.jennifercohen.com/ Instagram: @therealjencohen Books: https://www.jennifercohen.com/books Speaking: https://www.jennifercohen.com/speaking-engagement Learn more from Dr. Nicole LePera: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theholisticpsychologist YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheHolisticPsychologist Website: https://theholisticpsychologist.com/ Book: https://howtobetheloveyouseek.com/ Tour Tickets: https://howtobetheloveyouseek.com/events/

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hi, guys. It's Tony Robbins. You're listening to Habits and Hustle. Crush it.
0:07.7	So Nicola Pera is on the podcast again, because I love her, and apparently so does everybody else.
0:14.9	She has another book out, and it's called How to Be the Love You Seek.
0:18.9	And if you guys are not living under a rock, of course, you know who she is.
0:24.3	And all of your book, your work on self-healing, on trauma has obviously touched a massive chord because there's not one person, by the way, that does not know who you are.
0:34.9	Like, I told you, I was telling you before this, I was at a dinner and I was like telling them that you're on this podcast. Like the whole table was like, oh my God, I love her. Like, you're like bigger than like, I don't even know who was the like Rihanna at this point. I swear. It's amazing. So congratulations. Thank you. And thank you for having me back. Jennifer, as always, I love our
0:54.2	conversations. I love you. You're the best. Your book is so, all your books. And I was saying,
1:00.8	like, I feel like it hits such a chord because I feel like all of us have had some form of trauma
1:08.0	in our life that we, even if it's not a big trauma, these like small traumas that
1:14.5	are affecting our relationships and everything we do, even from a small, from a small child,
1:20.5	those things affect what we do.
1:22.5	And as adults, and there's a disconnect a lot of times.
1:25.4	We don't know why we do the things we do.
1:29.3	And then why I'm even saying this is because I don't even remember so many things in my childhood. Like I have friends
1:35.3	who like remember everything about their childhood. And I have a few memories. But I don't like remember
1:43.0	a lot. And once I started saying that out loud to people,
1:46.1	they're like, yeah, me neither, which then thought to myself, I thought to myself, it must be common.
1:51.0	And what does that mean if we don't remember so much of our childhood?
1:55.1	I want to go back to this idea of the things that could happen to us. Because for a very long time,
2:00.5	similarly, not being
2:01.7	able to recall my childhood and not having, you know, or so I thought the big things that I was
2:09.2	trained to look for. Not having had those happen in my childhood, those, you know, big cataclysmic
	...

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