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Bawdy Storytelling

Episode 267: ‘Lockdown Legend’ (Alyssa Westerlund)

Bawdy Storytelling

Dixie De La Tour

Sex, Poly, Queer, Monogamy, Lgbt, Sexual, Kink, Performing Arts, Open, Person, Storytelling, Relationship, Story, Swinger, Gay, Arts, Personal, Comedy, Narrative, Bdsm, Sexuality, Polyamory, Hookup

4.7738 Ratings

🗓️ 3 May 2023

⏱️ 33 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What would it look like to Win the Pandemic? Comedian Alyssa Westerlund breaks up with her boyfriend at the beginning of Lockdown, and she’s been dealing with the loneliness and depression of a deep-in-COVID world with Ayahuasca, DMT and blueberry smoothies. Then one sizzling August night, she’s dancing naked in her living room when she feels her much younger neighbor’s eyes on her. He confesses that he’s in awe of her after listening to her having sex with strangers for years, and soon they’re chatting, playfully eating ice cubes off/out of each other and doing push-ups. He’s only 21 and she still doesn’t know his name, but they have a standing date for a twice a week bang - and that means things are looking up. #MeetYourNeighbor #HeatWave #BestSexOf2020 #BusinessmansTrip

 

Song: ’Naughty Girl Blues’ (Queen Herby)

 

About our Storyteller:

 

Alyssa Westerlund's sweet, innocent looks belie her wicked sense of humor and spot on delivery. She inspires women and melts men, like toy soldiers in the microwave. Alyssa's stories will rip your guts out, tear your heart to pieces, grab you by the genitalia and not let go until you're in stitches.

 

Oh, and join our Patreon (at any level) and you can watch the video of Alyssa’s story, TOO:

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What is Substack?

"What is Substack" is a question with a deceptively simple answer. Yes, it's an email newsletter platform (made up of text, audio, video, etc). But it's also much more than that. Substack is known for its hands-off approach to censorship. While there are still some publishing guidelines (no porn, hate speech or harassment, for example), the platform’s lack of gatekeeping has attracted both ground-breaking journalists and some seriously controversial writers”. https://blog.hootsuite.com/what-is-substack/

 

(My Substack launch has been delayed by my life’s latest calamity, but it’ll start soon)

 

Wanna work one-on-one with Dixie? Want to learn to tell a compelling, relatable story? I can help you dig deep, gain understanding and communicate with clarity. Whether it’s getting onstage, writing a memoir, creating a podcast, or learning brand storytelling for your business, I’ve got experience and can help. Email me at [email protected] and let’s make it happen.

 

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Thank you to the Team that makes this podcast possible!

Team Bawdy is:

 

Podcast Producer: Roman Den houdijker
Sound Engineer: David Grosof

Storytelling support by Mosa Maxwell-Smith

Dixie’s VA is Roillan James

Additional support from Donal Mooney, Ty McKenzie & Crystal Crowe

Bawdy’s Creator & Podcast Host is Dixie De La Tour

& Thank you to Pleasure Podcasts. Bawdy Storytelling is proud to be part of your sex-positive podcast collective!

 

Tags:

 

super attracted listening legend chill out think tour apartment smooth hallway bedroom wall juicy lips eating squirting slurping bend over asking size queen no inhibition fun laughing breaks pushups slow fast workout playful sex fun lingerie red lacy Claus riding next day ice cubes floor wet nipples purple watch porn ideas ice cube suck rubbing ice balls drinking bent over desk bitch new generation consent yes shower shot legit COVID weird depressed bubble girlfriends Ayahuasca hallucinogen DMT ceremony drive units Berkeley Bowl stage laid smoke parents lifelong burners Peru Ayahuasca 90’s whoa new world shapes alive talking total escape night routine naked headphones Annie Lennox legend blender dancing shaking heat wave fires lightning 90 degrees insane air conditioning window open neighbor 6pack never spoken dog walked fluffy white dog latin porn star boy clothes optional open back door naked Modelo robe beer Jamba Juice smoothie talking guys pandemic turban hummer Porsche cars gist 6 pack parents generation card him ID

 

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The following podcast contains true stories of sex, kink, gender, or body image.

0:08.2

Thanks for being a consenting adult, because here we go.

0:11.9

All of my life, I've never fit, but I won't complain and I won't quit.

0:19.2

I am enormous. Get used to it. Everyone tells me I'm too much.

0:30.9

Maybe it's just you're not enough for me. Can you see? I'm the kind of woman I'm supposed to be.

0:42.3

Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide.

0:47.3

Absolutely everyone can come inside.

0:50.3

If you're ever brightened, you're running hide.

0:53.3

My vagina is eight miles.

0:57.6

Why?

1:02.6

Why?

1:04.8

Hi there.

1:05.9

And welcome to the Baudy Storytelling Podcast.

1:08.5

I'm sexual folklorist Dixie Delator,

1:10.8

and this week we have a story from

1:12.8

comedian and storyteller, Alyssa Westerland. It's been a little while. I'm having a hard time

1:19.5

finishing anything I start. So I start to this podcast and then I stop and I lay down and I watch

1:27.1

streaming anything. I want any opportunity

1:30.6

I have to not be myself. So I apologize. If I'm not really, you know, hear the way I try to be,

1:40.0

the way I promised to be, I want to be dependable. I want to have a weekly podcast. But when you're

1:48.5

an entrepreneur, I guess we're going to use that word, everything you do is self-driven. And when you

1:56.2

have this much death in your life, you have no drive. So I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm

...

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