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Pillow Talks

EPISODE 214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship)

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.82.2K Ratings

🗓️ 27 June 2025

⏱️ 51 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and: 47% said they want more touch 37% said they want better touch In this episode, we’re breaking down why touch is so essential — and why so many couples stop doing it. (Spoiler: it's not just about sex.) Plus, we’re giving you practical tools and one super simple free exercise (takes 5 minutes) to start reconnecting through touch today. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The emotional and physical benefits of touch (for both of you) Why “touch starvation” is real — even in long-term relationships The surprising ways you may be unintentionally avoiding touch The difference between sexual and non-sexual touch — and why both matter What to do if your partner says “touch just isn’t my love language” Quick, everyday ways to bring more affection into your relationship (no grand gestures required) ✨ Ready to explore all the ways to touch? We created The Secret Touch Blueprint to help you and your partner reflect on what kinds of touch feel best to you — and how to talk about it together. Grab it here → https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint And if doing that exercise leaves you thinking, “Wait… I want more of this,” you’ll love what’s coming next. This July, we’re launching a 4-week Sensual Touch Challenge exclusively inside our Deeper membership. It’ll walk you through 8 specific types of touch — from relaxing to arousing — with fun prompts, step-by-step videos, and guided exercises to try with your partner. It’s designed to bring back the playfulness, the exploration, and the kind of touch that makes you feel again. 💥 Pillow Talks listeners get 25% off their first month of Deeper with code PILLOW → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Links & resources: 👋🏻 The Secret Touch Blueprint →https://free.vmtherapy.com/touch-blueprint 💥 Join the Sensual Touch Challenge (starting July 7 inside Deeper) → https://vmtherapy.com/touch Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

How do we incorporate more touch into our relationships?

0:04.9

If you're listening this episode and thinking, oh, fuck yeah, we are like not touching each other

0:09.7

that much.

0:10.4

Oh, I'm resonating with a lot of these reasons why we're not touching.

0:15.0

Let's talk about like how we can fix this.

0:23.4

Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast.

0:26.9

We're your host, Vanessa, and Zander Marin.

0:29.5

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.

0:32.5

And I'm just a regular dude.

0:34.1

We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for

0:38.5

improving yours. Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex

0:43.7

tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind

0:49.8

closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had.

0:57.0

Today we're talking about something incredibly simple but also surprisingly complex. Touch.

1:04.5

Oh, my favorite. I know it is your favorite topic. So whether it's like a lingering hug, a gentle

1:10.5

squeeze, even just holding hands,

1:12.5

touch is one of the most powerful ways that we connect with our partner. But the sad reality is

1:19.0

that most of us are living in touch-starved relationships where we're just not touching each other

1:25.3

all that much. We're kind of ships passing in the night.

1:29.2

And a lot of us are craving more of that physical affection from each other,

1:33.8

but also not really knowing how we get back there.

1:37.0

This topic was actually inspired by this upcoming challenge that we're working on for our community deeper.

...

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