Episode 213: Why So Many People Are Going “No Contact” with Their Parents

Feeding The Mouth That Bites You: Parenting Teens Into Adulthood

Kenneth Wilgus, PhD, P.C.

Christian Parenting, Christianity, Teens, Education, Teenagers, Kids, Kids & Family, Parenting, Religion & Spirituality, Adolescents, How To, Parenting Teens, Parents

4.9 • 714 Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2025

⏱️ 29 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today we review a growing trend of adults choosing to go "no contact" with their parents. Dr. Ken reviews the kind of circumstances that do call on people to put strict boundaries around their contact with parents and other family members. This new trend however, seems to stem from a growing number of therapists that have over-defined trauma and therefore recommend that their clients eliminate any person that they no longer find "supportive." Today's episode stems from the New Yorker article of the same name - https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-inquiry/why-so-many-people-are-going-no-contact-with-their-parents If you have a minute, please leave us a review. We love hearing listeners encouraging other listeners. You can order Dr. Ken's book "Feeding The Mouth That Bites You" here: https://a.co/d/hBnlbzI Got questions or feedback? We want to hear from you! [email protected] Music provided by the great John David Kent - https://www.johndavidkent.com/

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome back to Feeding the Mouth That Bites You, a weekly podcast guide on parenting teens and launching them into the world.
0:15.0	I'm Jessica Pfeiffer, and as always, I'm joined by psychologist and author, Dr. Ken Wilgus.
0:22.2	Hey, Dr. Ken.
0:23.3	Hi, Jessica.
0:25.2	You've been reading again.
0:26.1	I know.
0:31.8	You send me articles about things you're reading, which are so fascinating.
0:32.5	Yes.
0:55.8	I love it because I think, you know, we read things and we can relate. And this article that you brought up, we can, I mean, I think everybody can relate to this. We're going to talk about people going no contact with their parents or their families. Yeah, and this was a New Yorker article by Anna Russell. And it really caught my attention because I'm quite familiar with this on mostly the parents' end, but she does a pretty deep dive into what for me is a concerning
1:06.6	trend that more and more therapists are actually recommending as treatment.
1:14.1	And that is to identify your parents as toxic or whatever and recommend these sort of creative
1:23.5	ways of going no contact with your own parents.
1:27.2	And that's a kind of growing trend.
1:29.6	Well, it kind of scares me as a parent because I think, oh my goodness, what if, I mean,
1:34.2	I've screwed up as a parent. I've done stupid things. I've said dumb things. And the idea that
1:39.5	my kids would cut me off or never forgive me for some of these things. It's horrible to me because I
1:47.1	love them so much. It would be so heartbreaking to have that happen in my own family. And I've
1:52.3	seen it happen to close friends where it is incredibly heartbreaking. Well, and that's exactly how I
1:58.4	feel. Because as you know, working with parents that are trying to keep that very delicate thread from snapping and hold on to these kids who are threatening no contact, it's heartbreaking to watch that.
2:13.6	But I should also point out that over the years, I have definitely worked with adults
2:18.4	who are dealing with abusive and alcoholic parents and trying to balance, well, what should I do
2:26.3	with them? And so this no contact thing is new to me, and as I will talk, I have great concerns about it. But that
	...

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