Hi, I'm Lisa. I'm from Freehold, New Jersey. I'm 16, and I'm going to sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Thank you, that's all I need to hear. Are you sure? I'm happy to hear another song. You weren't good!

Okay, is that what you want to hear? You want me to gut you like a fish?

For everyone to see, is that what you want little girl? Because let me tell you something. The truth stings, okay?

Like salt on an open wound. You were an abomination!

Your audition stunk up this room like a dusty wet fart. You don't have it!

You don't have it, honey.

And I hope to hell you're good at something else because you sure as s*** I'm not going to make it in show business.

So that, to answer your question, is the truth.

What was a question?

T-B-T-L!

Bad tension, I'm dark in a U-N-A.

Did you fold down, hit your head, and think you woke up in the 1950s or the 1890s? Should we call for a doctor?

The real headline of the evening was, dumb guy eats bread, gets fat, d-et.

What kind of headline is that?

It's a 16-four with a loop at the hook. Freeze the bars and mute the quarter tones. If it ever feels like we're dragging, we're not. It's just that kind of tune.

Okay, you know that opening tape was actually me auditioning to host this podcast and they told me to get out of there and I just stuck around and kept at it and kept at it.

Well, here we are at episode 1,918 in a collector's series.

It's a Tuesday afternoon edition of T-B-T-L, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

My name is Luke Burbank, I'm your host.

I was talking to my wife just before this broadcast started.

And you know, I've been filling it over at the radio station the last couple of days. So I just got done doing three hours of talk radio.

...