We all know we should try our best and strive for excellence in everything we do, but what happens when this desire to do well turns toxic? In this podcast, I speak to clinical psychologist Dr. Margaret Rutherford about how perfectionism can be another manifestation of depression, what to do when our desire to succeed becomes destructive, why we need to learn, rather than fear, our failures and useful techniques to overcome perfectionist tendencies.In her new book, Perfectly-Hidden Depression, Margaret notes how many perfectionists often don’t acknowledge or know that they are depressed, or that their desire to succeed in every area of their lives is a coping strategy to deal with past hurts and trauma. Many do not have what are considered “normal” traits of depression, that is feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Indeed, in a number of cases they do not know how to express uncomfortable or painful feelings and emotions, and tend to talk about what they have gone through in a very detached way.This type of perfectionism is different from striving for excellence, which is more process-orientated and encourages you to learn from your mistakes. Perfectly-hidden depression, on the other hand, is fueled by fear and shame. Toxic perfectionism tends to be goal-orientated, and sees failure as a sign of worthlessness, which puts intense pressure on someone’s performance, compelling them to constantly do better and hide their mistakes.Read the full episode blog and transcript here: https://drleaf.com/blogs/news/how-perfectionism-can-lead-to-depression-and-anxiety-tips-on-how-to-stop-the-toxic-perfectionism-cycle-interview-with-psychologist-dr-margaret-rutherford  Podcast Highlights:1:58 What is perfectly hidden depression?7:25 The role of the therapist is not to fix people10:49 What is perfectionism?17:34, 27:20 Ten main traits of perfectly-hidden depression19:36: How is this different from other forms of depression38:00 The first step to healing is acknowledging that there is a problem 42:01 Tips and techniques to deal with perfectionism40:05 Helping child or teen battling with perfectly-hidden depression  52:10 Social media and perfectionism  For more info on Dr. Margaret and to get her book visit: https://drmargaretrutherford.com Listen to her amazing podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/selfwork-dr-margaret-rutherford-self-help-mental-health/id1166015598  Special offers from this week's sponsors: -NOOM (the best healthy habit company): For your NOOM special offer see: noom.com/DRLEAF -SEED (my favorite probiotic company): Visit https://seed.com and use code MENTALMESS for 15% off your first month of the Daily Synbiotic  Additional Resources: -Get my new brain detox app SWITCH on sale now! Get 50% off a 3 month subscription. Just look for Switch on Your Brain in the App Store or Google Play or visit: https://theswitch.app  -Get any of my books, DVDs, and workbooks for less 25% with code DRLEAF at checkout: https://drleaf.com/collections/all -Join my text group for more tips, notifications of sales, and more! Just text DRLEAF to 80519 -Register now for my 2020 Mental Health Summit Dec 3-5 in Dallas, TX! Early bird sale ends 4/30: https://www.drleafconference.com Visit my website at https://drleaf.com for more free resources, tips, and tools to help you improve and heal your mental health! And be sure to sign up for my weekly newsletter to get even more mental self-care tips delivered to your inbox weekly and to see my upcoming events (you can sign up at drleaf.com!) Follow me on social media for daily mental self-care tips! -Instagram: @drcarolineleaf: https://www.instagram.com/drcarolineleaf/  -Facebook: Dr. Caroline Leaf: https://www.facebook.com/drleaf  -Twitter: @drcarolineleaf: https://twitter.com/DrCarolineLeaf  -Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/drcarolineleaf   If you enjoyed this episode please leave a 5 review on iTunes, Google Play, or wherever you are l Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.