Blue Babies Pink, Episode 14. How did I become gay?

There was one question I used to obsess over. It was the question I had about myself for years.

It first grabbed me in college and followed me all the way into my 30s. I'm big on self-awareness. I think it's the

key to almost everything. I've mentioned before that I believe a worrisome fear-laden

obsessive focus on self is toxic. I also believe that a thoughtful consistent

reflection on the self is quite healthy, but for me this question was the former and not

the latter. I regret now how much time I spent

wondering pondering crying over this question. How did I become gay? I mean I guess it's a natural question. As humans we will either

find or manufacture the meaning of everything. We stare at the stars and clouds and

see animals. We see a friend's new tattoo and ask, what does it mean?

We scrutinize the pyramids or stone hange assuming there's some bigger existential meaning beyond

it being just neatly stacked rocks. Maybe there is. Maybe there isn't.

Rarely can we just be okay with it is what it is. We assume there has to be more, so we pursue stories to help us make sense of it all.

Not only do we want to know why something is the way it is, we want to know where it came from. I'm talking about provenance, which is defined as, quote,

the place of origin or earliest known history of something, end quote. We want to know the provenance of everything. Where did these

vegetables come from? Where did this antique come from? Where did this idea come from?

Where are you from?

Humans really like to know where things came from,

where they got started.

So I guess it's natural that our greatest question of provenance

is, where did I come from? natural that

Where did I come from?

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