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Guaranteed Human. A hawk attacked me while I was jogging. But I have a trick up my sleeve to destroy this godforsaken bird. Am I the a hole? It's called a gun. I'm going to shoot the bird. The bird is going to die. I mean, that's what I call a solution. That's what I call a solution. It actually reminds me in Australia, they have these things called magpies that you literally on your bike, you have to put

eyes, like paste on eyes in the back of your helmet or they'll attack you because they think you're

not looking at them. What is it? Like what described the creature? The magpie is like a black and white

crow. A black and white crow. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. And they'll literally attack people all the time. And so you have to wear like googly eyes on the back of your head. So it looks like you're looking at them still. That's the same. And the fact that they can tell. They like, those are like eyes. Yeah.

Wild.

Fucking dumb ass. It's stupid. So I was running early in the morning like I've done for years. I am also a morning runner. I'm with you, O.P. There we go. Runners unite. Except fuck the runners. Go bikers. Yeah. Laziness. Fiker gang. Yeah. Biker gang. Yeah, literally.

I had on a day glow yellow beanie and a headlamp,

but the headlamp,

but the headlamp was turned off

because I was on a well-lit

neighborhood street.

As I was running on the sidewalk,

I felt this big

whack scrape on the side of my head.

And it took me a few moments

to figure out it was a hawk.

Oh my God.

Qawk sound.

That's pretty good. I don't know what it is, but it sounds accurate. He swooped. I tried to grab my head, then flew back before landing on some nearby telephone wires. Needless to say,

I screamed my head off and ran as fast as I could. I turned my headlamp up to the sky and turned it on, but still felt pretty freaked out. I'm not at all hurt. The beanie is pretty thick. I'm also totally aware of how ridiculous the story is. Yeah, O.P. The hawk's looking for blood,

though.

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