Ladies and gentlemen, the latest right-wing fascist comedian Adam Friedland,

Zionist, racist, ulcerative, number one, America's most racist comedian. That's not true. We take these topics and we get down to business.

Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Friedland, hello. Welcome to Comtown. No, this is Adam Friedland. I don't know why it has to be my name.

I don't know. It's Nick and Adam. It's the... No, I told you. I'm moving back into a producer role. I'm working the board. I'm doing the... I told you, if I'm sticking around, I'm producing the thing. I told you I was going to be.

I don't know. I think just, you know, this is the Dark Alliance. There were three in now, there are two.

And the Dark Alliance creates a brand new, different product. That's a different thing. You can't look. Listen, we can't look back. We can only look forward to it.

You know what you're doing right now? What? You're chasing waterfalls. I know. I have to look to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.

One of those is... That's what that whole song's about. That's true. The River Jordan. Don't go chasing waterfalls.

Well, welcome. This is, I guess, the first episode of the Adam Friedland show. Yeah, this is 101. Actually, I'll tell you what, I got COVID. You're testing negative, but you're sick. My girlfriend also has COVID, which is leading me to believe that there's something nefarious going on.

What do you mean? In the background. I don't know. You guys both have COVID, but I don't. Yeah. And I don't understand how that...

I'm just saying, CDC is saying, game and... Or getting monkey pox. Maybe there's a thing where the new COVID you only get if you're... If you have like brown eyes.

I don't know. My girlfriend has blue eyes. Well, maybe that... Maybe she's an exception. I don't know about that either.

Actually, last week or two weeks ago, when I got food poisoning, I looked at monkey pox. And I was like, maybe I got it. And apparently, there's like lesions on the asshole.

Yeah. I don't think... Monkeys... Monkeys really love doing just wild stuff with their asses. Really, it's true.

It's funny because it's like monkeys are so similar to us from an evolutionary standpoint. But the one area in their universe where they're like, let's try something different from the humans. It's always asshole-related.

Yeah. Well, we took that from them. We have normal assholes that are hidden behind cheeks. Monkeys... Monkeys' whole posture is set up to show off its asshole.

They're proud of that. Some of them are just swollen constantly. That's a secondary sex characteristic for bad boons, is the male has a big juicy red asshole.

Right. And that's what gets him pussy, I guess. Yeah. Right. You can go to the zoo. You can go to the Bronx Zoo right now. By the way, folks, the show is brought to you by the World Conservation Society.

Yes, it is. The Adam Pridland shows a proud sponsor of the World Conservation Society. This is actually an old school type of Hollywood conservative show. Where we're environmentalists.

We're like Teddy Roosevelt. Environmentalists were anti-war. We're pro-drug youths. We're isolationists. We're isolationists.

Basically, what John Wayne was. Is that what he was? I have no idea. I have no idea. When Ronald Reagan was before he went into politics. He was a cuck.

Yeah. So it's more like a cuck style. Nancy. Could you just come out here, right?

...