Hello and welcome to Something's Off with Andrew Heaton. I'm your host and cousin Andrew Heaton and the program you're listening to is brought to you by

Jumbo elevators, three-level office elevators capable of transporting over 400 people per

load.

It's your first month out of college, your first week in the big city, and your first day of a proper adult job in

a skyscraper filled with ambition and dreams.

You didn't grow up rich, and you weren't an a student but you're a hard worker.

You've got Moxie. You just need a chance to prove it.

You show up to work 15 minutes early for good measure, but the conventional elevator, which is impractically tiny

and only capable of holding 10 to 15 adults, is packed.

You'd have to stand in line for a full 40 minutes before you could squeeze in.

Well, it's a setback, but they don't call you the moxie kid for nothing. You down your red bowl,

crumple it against your forehead like a beer can at the beta house

and fling the door open to the emergency fire escape so you can sprint up the stairs

straight to the 38th floor.

The first five floors are easy.

Your 23-year-old lungs are unscathed by cigar smoke and

cold dust, just pumping away like pinky flesh bellows. All the same, you are starting to feel

it by floor six. By floor 20, you're seriously regretting this decision.

And by 430, you sit down because you are having a mild heart attack.

You decide you don't want to bring it up on your first day.

You'll just white knuckle that cardiac arrest and swing by the neighborhood defibrillator booth on your way home from work.

Unfortunately, you still get to the 38th floor 10 minutes late and your new

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