Hello and welcome to something's Off with Andrew Heaton.

I am indubitably your host, Andrew Heaton.

And the program is brought to you by The Jumbo elevator by Up Machines Unlimited, and I'll tell you why.

A Jumbo elevator is a unisex elevator.

If you're like most Americans, your office has two sets of elevators, one for the gents and one for the ladies.

Male elevators move a lot faster and have shorter lines, but female elevators are a lot cleaner, and women can go in together

and nobody thinks it's weird.

The reason for that is, of course, because we live in the Me Too era.

I sure don't want to smoosh myself into an elevator full of female colleagues,

no sir, not one of those tiny elevators where you don't have any room.

There you are pressed up against a bunch of lady co-workers so tight you can barely drop a half dollar.

In that kind of packed environment, a female co-worker might honestly mistake fumbling around

for your pocket for car keys is something untoward. And now HR has to get involved and you get fired.

And pretty soon you're in a sleeping bag beneath an overpass drinking liquor out of a plastic jug.

But a jumbo elevator fixes all that.

There's plenty of space for the men and the women in your office, quite possibly for everyone in your building.

Jumbo triple deck elevators transport up to 480 people, affording more than enough room

for everyone to do jumping jacks, shadow box, and not accidentally grope each other, so that you can finally brick up those old

male and female elevator shafts and go from floor to floor in a luxurious unisex elevator. Jumbo elevators from Up Machines Unlimited, breathing room for the

upwardly mobile. And now it's time for Heaton reviews where I rank things along arbitrary lines that pertain directly to me.

Today, fictional Presidents of the United States, according to who I would most want to give the eulogy at my funeral.

Number six, Frank Underwood from House of Cards.

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