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The Political Orphanage

Ep 64 | "Best Mustache Award," and Other Ways to Fix the Oscars | Guest: Andrew Young

The Political Orphanage

Andrew Heaton

Comedy, News, Politics

4.91000 Ratings

🗓️ 21 February 2019

⏱️ 53 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

The biggest problem with the Academy Awards is: not enough trophies. Comedian and Hollywood insider Andrew Young joins Heaton to suggest new category awards, like "Best Fake Accent" or "Most Tasteful Sex Scene." Plus, a new "How to with Heaton: Balancing a Checkbook."

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hello and welcome to Something's Off with Andrew Heaton. I'm your host, quote unquote, Andrew Heaton.

0:17.0

And today we're going to talk about the Oscars. They are dropping this weekend and so we might give you some previews but more importantly

0:24.3

I have brought on someone from Hollywood who is going to help me fix the Oscars.

0:30.4

Discerning listeners will know that I did the same thing for the Super Bowl.

0:33.4

I believe it is my duty as an American to improve these institutions and I think I did

0:37.7

fix the Super Bowl and possibly football as a sport. The same thing is going to

0:41.2

happen today with the Oscars. We're going to figure out how to make it better and save it from itself.

0:45.5

We'll do that a little bit. I'm also going to do another installment of how to with Heaton.

0:50.5

But before we do any of that, we do have to pay those bills, don't we? And that means a word from our sponsor.

0:57.0

Something's Off with Andrew Heaton is brought to you by Spam Strangler, the service which not only blocks unwanted sales calls from telemarketers and robots,

1:06.0

it tracks down the owners of the company and harasses them in their personal life

1:10.0

until their relationships dissolve and they turn for comfort to ketamine.

1:15.0

You're at home, about to enjoy a nice meal with your family.

1:19.0

It's vegan because Greg picked that up in college,

1:21.0

but that's fine.

1:22.0

The important thing is you're spending

1:23.2

time together as a family.

1:27.0

Your phone vibrates and you pick it up. You don't recognize the number and so you think

1:36.9

it might be important. You answer only to have a robotic voice ask you to press one

1:42.4

if you're interested in converting your credit

1:44.2

card Franklin Flieer Miles into a timeshare rebate.

1:47.4

The piece of your dinner is ruined.

...

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