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This is the podcast for May 8th, 2020. It is not safe for work. Coming to you live from the

Cornfield Resistance, where Abraham Lincoln is buried just down the road and man, oh man,

that he have a few choice words for the orange ghoul who desecrated his monument this week. It's

the professional left with drip glass and blue gal.

Yeah, dead, uh, Lincoln talks to me all the time, Blue Gal.

He can pretty much whisper to you from our house.

Well, just the rumbling sound of him spinning at a billion RPMs in his grave.

Yeah, he is spinning in his grave. For sure. This is my party. Okay, great.

Great. Although, if you listen to, you know, Morning Joe and Mika, this is not his party.

They're not even Republicans. He's a Democrat. He's a Democrat. We've got some receipts for Mika later in the show. We do. Let's talk about all of our new fake sponsors.

Yes. Because in this age of coronavirus, I feel like we should have some somber piano music in the background for all of these.

Because no one, and you and I have talked about this a lot, No one spun quicker on this coronavirus thing than Madison Avenue.

I mean, the commercials are all the same and heartfelt.

And we're all in this together by a Toyota.

I mean, it's, you know, whatever it is.

The sales of three note pianos has gone

way up, because that's really all you need. Just, dun, done, done, you know, in these trying times.

We'd like to remind you that your life sucks and you're never going to get out. Yeah, yeah.

But we'll deliver pizza to you and we won't touch it or anything. And you know what? Guys, I got to say,

before we start in our new sponsors, my mantra is currently and will be for the foreseeable future, hold on until January.

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