Hello and welcome to the Being Well Podcast, I'm Forrest Hansen. Today we're going to conclude the strength of calm with our second episode dedicated to anger. Last week we had a broad conversation focused on how we can better walk the line between

skillful and unskillful expressions of anger. Today we're going to focus more narrowly on working with our

anger skillfully when it does arise inside of us. To help us do that, I'm joined today, as always,

by Dr. Rick Hansen. So what are some of the ways that we can work with anger skillfully?

There's a really motivating thing about anger to realize that it hurts you as much as it hurts other people.

It's interesting in the moment that we feel sad or anxious or hurt,

we don't like feeling that way.

But in the moment we feel mad, it carries us right along.

And therefore, because it's so seductive, it's so potent, we need to be especially clear

about how it's an affliction upon ourselves. It's a burden, it's a poison, it's acid on our own

psyche. The Buddha had a wonderful simile, a wonderful metaphor for anger. He said anger with its honeyed tip and poisoned bar.

So one of the very first things a person can do is take inventory.

What are the ways in which anger affects you in your life that are costly to you?

How does it wear down your well-being to be irritable or resentful or annoyed or exasperated a lot of the time.

What are the costs in your relationships if you burst out with anger

or if you create a kind of possibility that if other people quote unquote step out of line,

you're going to get angry at them.

Anger is the most salient social emotion in human and primate groups.

Research shows that while other people will notice it if you're sad or anxious or hurt,

as soon as someone gets angry, the whole room starts focusing on on that person.

So just think about the impact on other people of your own anger as a way in part to motivate

you, to be more in control of it.

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