Ep. 19: Break The Faux Rules
The Baggage Reclaim Sessions
Natalie Lue
4.9 • 867 Ratings
🗓️ 15 January 2016
⏱️ 41 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, Natalie explains why someone else's partner isn't the person for you, why change and happiness isn't going to come from following rules that you've made based on guilt and fear, and why you can't keep talking about intentions or how someone can't help something, when they keep doing the same thing and they control themselves with others. This week's listener question is from someone who wants to know why she hasn't completely closed the door on a breakup from two years ago, plus Natalie shares what she learned this week when she got acknowledgment and an apology over 20 years after the original event.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This week I talk about why rules are not going to bring about change or fulfillment |
| 0:08.9 | and why we have to stop focusing on someone's intentions. |
| 0:14.3 | I'm Natalie Lou, a writer based in Southeast London who is dedicated to helping people to improve |
| 0:20.1 | their emotional and relationship literacy. Let's kick this off. |
| 0:26.7 | Sometimes we meet someone and we have a connection with them or we feel as if we do. |
| 0:35.7 | And there was an attraction and we feel as if we want to explore the possibilities of enjoying a relationship with them. |
| 0:41.6 | We want to get to know them some more. It's just that there is |
| 0:45.0 | one rather big problem. They're not available, so they are unavailable for |
| 0:52.3 | a mutually fulfilling relationship and you know they can't be emotionally available because they are already in a relationship. |
| 1:01.3 | They are married or they're attached but the one thing that they are not is available. |
| 1:07.6 | And in this first part of the show I want to talk about why somebody else's partner isn't the person for us. |
| 1:17.0 | Now, I happen to know a fair man on this subject because a long long time ago, I started a new job and I've been there for only two days and I went at for lunch with my new coworkers |
| 1:30.0 | saw this guy and was mesmerized by him. Looking back, I'm not actually 100% |
| 1:37.2 | sure what I was mesmerized by. You know, he was tall, he was dark, he was handsome. |
| 1:41.5 | We didn't even really talk about that much, but there was just, I felt this connection. |
| 1:47.0 | He admitted, and it was an admission because it didn't sound like natural flow humor sign embarrassed about it but he admitted by the end of that lunchtime that he had a girlfriend. |
| 1:58.0 | And I put it to one side and I forgot all about it and a couple of weeks later we started an affair and it was one of the worst decisions I've ever made and it broke me and I hit absolute bottom and it brought out every ugly feeling and thought that I had pushed down inside of me. |
| 2:19.3 | Because that's what I always say about affairs is that they're a bit like an exorcism. |
| 2:22.3 | But one of the things that |
| 2:24.3 | that experience taught me along with hearing what has been thousands and |
| 2:28.9 | thousands and thousands of stories over the years of men and women who've gotten themselves involved in a relationship |
| 2:34.6 | with somebody who is already in a relationship is that someone else's partner is not the |
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