[encore] 9: Portrait of the Alcoholic with Withdrawal by Kaveh Akbar

The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily

American Public Media

Arts, Performing Arts

4.8 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2025

⏱️ 6 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today’s poem is Portrait of the Alcoholic with Withdrawal by Kaveh Akbar.

The Slowdown is currently taking a break. We’ll be back soon with new episodes from a new host. This week, we’re going back into the archive to revisit Tracy K. Smith’s time as host. Today’s episode was originally released on December 6, 2018.

In this episode, Tracy writes, “One day I was a drinker; the next, I was an ex-drinker. A braver person would say: one day I came to understand I am an alcoholic. I consider myself lucky. The best way I can describe the change is to call it an unburdening.”

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Transcript

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0:00.0	The slowdown is supported by Greenlight. Juggling growing kids and aging relatives can be a balancing act between keeping a watchful eye and allowing feelings of independence.
0:10.2	With Greenlight's family shield, you can protect your senior loved ones from scams and financial fraud without making them feel like kids.
0:17.5	Stay on top of their finances with tools like account monitoring, real-time alerts, and coverage
0:22.5	for scam-related losses and identity theft. Take care of your whole family from kids to grandparents
0:28.0	with Family Shield from Greenlight. Sign up today at greenlight.com slash slowdown.
0:33.3	Hi, it's Major. The slowdown is on a break right now, but we'll be back soon with a new host. In the meantime, we're bringing you some of the best episodes from our archives. Today, we revisit an episode from Tracy K. Smith's time at the helm. Enjoy.
0:57.0	I'm Tracy K. Smith, and this is The Slowdown.
1:01.0	I used to joke that being a mom was coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, then wine, wine, wine, wine.
1:24.1	About four years ago, I got in the habit of pouring myself a glass of white wine after work.
1:30.9	It seemed to calm me down. It gave me a head start on the real relaxation that would come after my kids were bathed, red to, and asleep in their beds.
1:43.0	I drink a few glasses of an old world red with dinner.
1:47.8	Being able to identify subtle characteristics of good wine
1:51.3	affirmed for me that I was drinking discerningly.
1:54.9	It meant my thirst wasn't gluttonous or haphazard,
1:58.8	but I could polish off the better part of a bottle by myself.
2:03.6	Sometimes, drinking, it felt like I was being guided along by someone else.
2:09.6	My thought process, my inner monologue, took different turns.
2:13.6	I felt clever, entertaining, not just my plain old ordinary self. In the first dream I had
2:22.3	about my drinking, I was standing at a microphone, addressing an audience. Try as I might. I couldn't help
2:29.9	slurring my words. My remarks were riddled with nonsense. People I know in real life sat in the
2:37.8	audience. After the presentation was over, they wouldn't make eye contact with me. The second dream I had
2:46.2	about my drinking began on the morning of the day my reputation was instantly and irreversibly ruined.
	...

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