E82 - Dr. Ramani Durvasula, #1 Narcissism Expert: The Harsh Reality Of Toxic People & Setting Boundaries
Know Thyself
André Duqum
4.8 • 658 Ratings
🗓️ 6 February 2024
⏱️ 97 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Today we are joined by clinical psychologist and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasala. Dr. Ramani unpacks narcissistic personality disorder, defining types of narcissism, how it’s diagnosed, and where this originates. She shares the implications of the extreme side of this disorder, discussing the dark reality of narcissistic abuse in relationships, love-bombing, triangulation, and gas-lighting. She provides advice for anyone stuck in a cycle of abuse or supporting a friend through this process. She reveals the sad truth of abuse: that most people never change.
This is a great episode for anyone wanting to better understand this disorder and get out of a cycle of abuse.
André's Book Recommendations: https://www.knowthyself.one/books
___________
Timecodes:
0:00 Intro
1:54 Defining & Identifying Narcissism
6:59 Why This Develops in People
10:20 Different Types of Narcissism
13:59 How Our Society Rewards Narcissism
15:36 How Certain Types Develop
19:16 At What Age Narcissism Begins
21:40 The Internal Reality of a Narcissist
25:45 Common Traits of Narcissistic Abuse
31:38 Why Love Bombing is Toxic
37:09 The True Meaning of Gaslighting
41:18 Triangulation & Cycles of Manipulation
42:40 When Self Esteem Becomes Too Much
47:14 Cultural Distinctions & Healing Family Trauma
52:18 Breaking Free of a Narcissistic Relationship
1:01:11 Will They Ever Change?
1:04:29 Is It You?
1:10:57 Supporting a Friend in an Abusive Relationship
1:14:45 Becoming Aware of Your Own Narcissism
1:19:28 The Sad Reality of Being a Narcissist
1:22:00 Spiritual Narcissism
1:28:07 Final Thoughts
1:35:34 Conclusion
___________
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She is an author of several books including Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist, and “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. The focus of Dr. Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations. Her work has been featured at SXSW, TEDx, Red Table Talk, the Today Show, and Investigation Discovery. You can also find her on YouTube where she has accumulated millions of views on her videos discussing narcissism on her successful channel, and on social media @DoctorRamani. Now she will be adding the role of host to her resume as she launches her new podcast, Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani, a show that focuses on narcissism and its impact on relationships.
Website: https://doctor-ramani.com
Pre-Order “It’s Not You”: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710202/its-not-you-by-ramani-durvasula-phd/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/
___________
Looking to Start a Podcast? Podcasting Course: https://www.podcastpurpose.com/
Know Thyself
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/knowthyself/
Website: https://www.knowthyself.one
Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJ4wglCWTJeWQC0exBalgKg
Listen to all episodes on Audio:
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FSiemtvZrWesGtO2MqTZ4?si=d389c8dee8fa4026
Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/know-thyself/id1633725927
André Duqum
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andreduqum/
Meraki Media
https://merakimedia.com
https://www.instagram.com/merakimedia/
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | We put 90% of our energy into our most toxic relationships and 10% into the relationships that actually |
| 0:05.8 | give back to us all the time. Flip it. Let's start with what narcissism is. Entitlement, grandiosity, |
| 0:12.2 | arrogance, selfishness. They are willing to do whatever they need to do to get ahead. They make more |
| 0:17.7 | money. They're more successful at dating. They look great on paper. So the very thing we're socialized to think of is not good for us that's tricky what's happening |
| 0:26.1 | during love bombing is it's a period that feels like perfect attunement a person gets you this can feel |
| 0:31.6 | like it is healing a childhood wound that's how powerful it is when you ask for time and they say no |
| 0:37.0 | that's beyond a red flag the challenge is we don't always know what's going to set a person off. And all hell breaks. Somebody invalidating you and subjugating you, that's abuse. The very gift we have of empathy and compassion actually gets weaponized. There's anxiety. There's sadness. there's self-blame. You just sort of cut off from |
| 0:54.9 | you because you're not allowed to have those things and have this relationship function. |
| 0:59.0 | How possible is it really to stay in the dynamic and to have that narcissistic person to heal and to change? |
| 1:05.8 | Oh, I'll tell you why. |
| 1:14.6 | Okay. I'll tell you why. Hey everyone, welcome back to the Know They Self podcast. Today we are diving deep with somebody |
| 1:19.1 | who's a clinical psychologist here in L.A. and is an individual who amongst many different |
| 1:24.3 | ways of impacting the world is a podcast host, a best-selling author, |
| 1:28.1 | creator of New Book, It's Not You, and we're going to be diving in deep today around narcissism |
| 1:32.6 | as she is one of the world's leading expert around that topic. Dr. Romney, thanks for being here. |
| 1:36.9 | Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, it's my honor. The discussion today, I think, |
| 1:42.0 | hits close and hits close to many people's heart |
| 1:45.3 | across all walks of life. Also, in society right now, I feel like culturally, we're living in a very |
| 1:52.5 | narcissistic time. Yes, we are. And so I'd love for you just to share it, open up, so we're all |
| 1:56.9 | using the same terminology and understanding of language. The distinction between NPD versus |
| 2:01.0 | narcissism and we can go from there. Yeah, I think that's the biggest confusion of all because a lot |
| 2:04.9 | of people hear the word narcissism and they assume this is a person with a diagnosed personality |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from André Duqum, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of André Duqum and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.