Here's a question I have for you. If you are not willing to invest in yourself in general, let alone during hard times. Why would you be surprised when others are not willing to invest in you? And I ask you this question because so many of you are really sharp talented people,

but you get in your own way.

You overthink things.

You make yourself busier than you need to.

You fall into this trap of thinking,

it's not the right time and it's not good enough

and you're not ready and that's a lot of this stuff

that will hold you back.

This is what our live events and our coaching

are made for to help you overcome this. Whether it's our apprenticeship program, which focuses on how to have better hard conversations, how to negotiate, how to manage through conflict, how to do things that every coach and every leader is gonna have to do, but do it better, or our speaker school, where you can become a more confident, clear speaker. These are things that give you immediate return on investment. They're things that help you earn more your career. They're things that help you deal with the inevitable power dynamics that you're going to deal with. And there tends to be this kind of misattribution of, oh, are these things only for people who struggle to communicate? Absolutely not. These are programs for people who know they don't want to leave any stone unturned in terms of self-development, professional development, development in all aspects. So if that's you and you

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So go to artofcoaching.com slash events.

Artofcoaching.com slash events.

That's artofcoaching.com slash events right now. Check it out, check it out. Welcome to the Art of Coaching Podcast. I'm Brett Bartholomew and at a young age, poor communication nearly calls me my life. Now, I help others navigate the great area of social interaction, power dynamics, and communication so they can become more adaptable leaders regardless of their profession, age, or situation. This podcast is for everybody who is fascinated with solving people problems. So if you're the no nonsense type who appreciates frank conversations, advise you can put to use immediately and learning how others others navigate the messy realities of leadership, you're in the right place. I'm glad that you're joining us. Let's dive in. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, I want to continue to keep my promise to you guys, especially during this time of year where everybody's busy traveling to do some quick hitter episodes, things that can give you immediate value straight to the point. If you're new to the podcast, typically in the past we have done quite a few interviews. Then we got feedback from a lot of you that you liked more of the single or single or solo episodes, and I appreciate that feedback. And it can be tricky, right? You have some guests usually that despite whether they're big names or whether they're just breaking into their career or they're new, some of them are really good at giving you some tactical takeaways. Some of them are really good at storytelling, but you never really know what you're going to get, right? So we sprinkle in solo episodes for the sole purpose that sometimes I know you guys just want something straight to the point that aligns with the title and the core problem that you're trying to solve. So that's the point of these. All right, today's episode and this comes from a suggestion from someone in our mighty networks community. How do you and they use the word are you, but I know what they mean. Basically, how do you argue with somebody that keeps trying to are you in a circle? Or how do you stop circular arguments in their tracks? How do you stop getting pulled into the games of somebody that wants to make a discussion and argument or anything like that? Even if it's just a basic conflict resolution situation where they go around and around and they try to spin it. Right., we've all been in conversations where you swear you're solving something or addressing an issue, but 30 minutes later, you are back at that same damn point or you're off on some other tangent because this individual won't stay on point. And this happens in marriages, business meetings, and locker rooms. Anywhere where people tend to try to confuse emotion with real progress. Or sometimes it just happens when certain people feel overwhelmed by the nature of an argument and they don't really know where to go so they'll start projecting or deflecting. And this was a criticism I had gotten from a friend. He said, hey, I want to talk to my kind of just said, why are we spinning around and around? Let's stay on point. And he said, here's the thing, dude, you're too good at arguing sometimes. And it was like a backhanded compliment because I don't try to be good at arguing. I'm not going to discuss something unless I've come with the facts or what I think we're trying to address a solution. and he, my mind doesn't process it as quickly. I'm not trying to get us off track. It just happens sometimes. Remember, not everybody means malice. It's what we talk about all the time. Handling's a razor. Sometimes people will start spinning arguments because they're emotionally overwhelmed or they don't know what to say. And so that's up to you to kind of judge.

Does it seem like this person is maybe having trouble saying on track, is it an unintentional power dynamic where you might be steam rolling or bulldozing or just way more prepared? Or is this somebody trying to manipulate you in a negative way, right? And we can talk about that in a future issue if you want. But today I'm gonna give you three ways try to keep the main point the main point so you don't chase your tail all the time or

the real issue. So one of the things you can do, pardon me, I'm getting over a cold and a cough, is identify what the issue is not. What I mean by this is circular argument survive because people start fighting about other things, they don't get right to the source. So if you're having an argument about the dishes or a deadline, it somehow can get turned into, well, this is really an argument about respect, control, or somebody feeling unheard. So let's say I'm in a disagreement with somebody and this happened recently. I was talking to a contractor, doing some work at our house. They didn't do a great job, so kind of,

I just asserted that.

And then they tried to make it about,

...