Dr Julie Smith: How To Build Secure Relationships, Control Fear, & Live With Uncertainty.

We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson

FlightStory

Leisure, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 652 Ratings

🗓️ 4 February 2025

⏱️ 103 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode of We Need To Talk we’re joined by Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist, best-selling author, and online educator known for making mental health tools accessible to millions. Dive deep into the realities of self-love, how to build secure relationships, and the hidden cost of always trying to "win" in arguments. Dr. Julie shares practical strategies to manage fear, navigate uncertainty, and transform anxiety into a source of strength. Dr Julie’s new book Open When: A Companion for Life’s Twists and Turns is available to buy now Open When on Amazon: https://g2ul0.app.link/nCGOymXTzQb Follow Dr Julie here: Instagram - https://g2ul0.app.link/td8IlXZTzQb TikTok - https://g2ul0.app.link/kaxaiI7TzQb Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod (00:00) Intro (01:43) Dr. Julie's Upbringing (04:00) Is Shyness Genetic or Learned Behavior? (06:11) Dr. Julie's Relationship With Her Husband (10:08) Why Did Dr. Julie Specialize in Clinical Psychology? (13:02) Dr. Julie's Experience Working for the NHS (16:55) Dr. Julie's Move Onto Social Media (23:10) The Success of Dr. Julie's First Book (24:40) Dr. Julie's Experience Writing Her Second Book Open When (26:15) Dr. Julie's Cancer Diagnosis (31:41) Dr. Julie's Thoughts on the Popularity of the Term "Self-Love" (34:40) What Is Metacognition? (37:23) Dr. Julie's Definition of Self-Love (40:17) How Do We Correct Our Self-Destructive Thoughts? (43:55) Keep Love Ad (44:52) Tinder Ad (45:41) What Is Dr. Julie's Definition of Self-Esteem? (50:08) How Does Confidence Relate to Self-Esteem? (54:43) How Should We Handle Criticism in Terms of Our Self-Esteem? (58:52) Do Our Values Stay the Same or Change Over Time? (1:00:07) Demonstration of Values (1:06:33) Are We More Anxious Than Ever in Society? (1:10:31) How Do We Manage the Anxieties of Modern Society? (1:14:29) Dr. Julie's Thoughts on Today's "Self-Centered" Society (1:16:57) How Do You Know if You're Ready for a Relationship? (1:18:36) Why Do We Need Relationships With Others for Our Happiness? (1:21:31) Dr. Julie's Tips for a Successful Relationship (1:24:28) Dr. Julie's Definition of Attachment Styles (1:28:01) How to Determine Your Attachment Style (1:29:52) How to Make Your Attachment Style More Secure (1:31:09) Dr. Julie's Ethos on Conflict in Relationships (1:35:15) Most Memorable Conversation (1:39:59) Paul's Takeaways (1:42:05) Adobe Express Sponsored by: Get your tickets to 'An Evening with Paul C. Brunson' here: https://bit.ly/keeplove-megaphone Pre-order Keep Love here: https://lnk.to/keeplovebook Tinder: https://tinder.com/en-GB Adobe: https://www.adobe.com/uk/express/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I've often seen online these things about how you've got to like heal your own stuff before you get into a relationship.
0:07.0	If I'd have followed that rule, I never would have married, Matt.
0:11.0	Dr. Julie Smith is a clinical psychologist and best-selling author.
0:15.0	There's this thought that our relationship is stronger if we just don't have any conflict.
0:25.1	Why would you want a victory over someone that you want to have a partnership with?
0:27.7	The only person who thinks you look good in victory is you.
0:32.2	That underlying theme is we are a team.
0:35.6	We're going to win together or we're going to lose together. People will say, feel like I keep having the same
0:37.9	relationship over and over again with different people. And sometimes that can be to do with
0:41.6	the best thing for our own nervous system is each other. We're social beings, right? We live in
0:48.0	groups because we survive better in groups. What's almost the litmus test to determine if your partner is far enough on their
0:56.7	healing journey for you to be able to commit to them?
0:59.2	I think it's whether they're able to commit to you.
1:01.0	If you are anxious or avoidant, what's the number one thing you can do to become secure
1:06.5	in your attachment?
1:07.6	It comes down to communicating with your partner.
1:09.7	I know I'm this way and I know
1:10.8	I'm doing these things that drive you crazy. Here's what I'm going to try and do.
1:16.2	Around 9 and 10 of you watching these videos aren't subscribed yet. Now, no pressure at all,
1:22.0	but if you're enjoying the content, subscribing is a super simple way to stay connected with us,
1:26.9	and it also helps a ton when growing
1:29.3	the channel. We also look at every comment, so make sure you comment with your guest ideas below,
	...

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