Did Evolutionary Psychology Get Dating All Wrong? - Dr Paul Eastwick - #1056

Modern Wisdom

Chris Williamson

Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 5.9K Ratings

🗓️ 7 February 2026

⏱️ 96 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Dr Paul Eastwick is a psychologist, professor, and a researcher. Much of what we think we know about relationships comes from an evolutionary psychology lens, but what if that framework is flawed? In his groundbreaking new research, Dr Paul Eastwock challenges long-held assumptions, turning evolutionary psychology on its head. So where did it go wrong, and what new models replace it? Expect to learn where the Evo Psych community may have been wrong about mating and relationships, the biggest problem with the term “mating market”, how accurate people’s opinions are and ideas at their “type” or mate preferences, what men find appealing in women and visa versa, what Paul’s definition of attachment in adulthood via safe haven (support in adversity) and secure base (support in growth) is, why masculinity needs reimagining and much more… Timestamps: (0:00) What’s Really Broken in the Modern Dating Market (15:00) Is Romance Just a Hierarchy of Inequality? (25:01) Does Self-Improvement Boost Dating Success? (31:43) What Men and Women Really Find Attractive (42:56) How Online Dating Is Changing Relationships (47:07) The Biggest Traits We Misjudge in Men and Women (58:20) Does Waiting to Have Sex Improve Relationships? (01:14:54) Why Attachment Matters in Love (01:19:17) Why Breakups Hurt So Much (01:29:47) Are Humans Meant to Be Monogamous? (01:34:49) Where to Find Paul Sponsors: Get my free Valentine’s Review with 75 deep questions to ask your partner: ⁠⁠https://chriswillx.com/valentines⁠⁠ See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: ⁠https://chriswillx.com/deals⁠ Get up to 20% off the leading longevity and cellular health supplement at https://timeline.com/modernwisdom Get 15% off your first order of my favourite Non-Alcoholic Brew at https://athleticbrewing.com/modernwisdom Get the brand new Whoop 5.0 and your first month for free at https://join.whoop.com/modernwisdom Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: ⁠https://chriswillx.com/books⁠ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: ⁠https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom⁠ Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: ⁠⁠⁠lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins⁠⁠⁠ #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: ⁠⁠⁠lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson⁠⁠⁠ #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: ⁠⁠⁠lnkfi.re/SN-Huberm - Get In Touch: Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx⁠ Twitter: ⁠https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast⁠ Email: ⁠https://chriswillx.com/contact⁠ - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Valentine's Day is coming up and whether you want to more deeply connect with your partner or work out whether or not you should break up.
0:06.2	I've got the fix for you. I have put together a list of 50 of the most viral and science-backed ways to connect with your partner more deeply and 25 questions that will help you work out whether or not you should break up.
0:17.3	And they're all available right now at the Modern Wisdom Valentine's Review. And it is completely free. You can get it by going to chriswillex.com slash valentines. That's
0:25.0	chriswillx.com slash valentines. We were talking before we got started. Many of the past guests that
0:33.0	have been on my show and much of my education, I think, into the world of mating dynamics, understanding
0:38.2	relationship science, has been informed by an evolutionary perspective. I think it's fair to say
0:44.1	that your new book takes somewhat of an opposing perspective to much of the evolutionary psychology
0:52.9	position. Is that a fair assessment?
0:55.3	I think that's fair.
0:56.5	I am not using the standard, like, this is not a standard nature nurture thing.
1:02.6	That's not where I'm coming from.
1:04.6	I'm coming from a place of, actually, there's a different way of talking about human nature,
1:10.6	a different way of talking about the nature, a different way of talking about
1:12.8	the way that humans evolve to form relationships that I think is kind of missing out there,
1:17.4	and that's more or less why I wrote the book. What's your background? Because most people,
1:21.7	when we talk about relationship science in the modern world, are going to be coming out of
1:25.3	some kind of EP EP mating research lab.
1:29.3	What are you?
1:30.8	Yeah.
1:31.3	So I would say I'm a scholar of close relationships.
1:34.9	There's a whole field.
1:36.4	We call ourselves Relationship Science.
	...

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