If I ever had one, they would have a headband on.

They would have a little sweatband on.

Ask Sarah Marshall says, put a headband on your old English sheepdog.

Yes.

That way you'll tell what he's thinking.

In the spirit of the most influential advice columnists in American history, Dear Abby and Anne Landers, I am joined this week by my own identical twin and lifelong rival, Sarah Marshall of the podcast You're Wrong About. Together, we are giving our own unique advice to some of the funnier questions

sent in to Dear Abby and Ask Anne Landers from the 1950s to the early 2000s. I'm your host, Chelsea Weber

Smith, and this is American Hysteria. I am here with the amazing, incredible, wise Sarah Marshall, who is going to be the

Anne Landers to my dear Abby today as we try to answer some classic letters that were

written in to both of those women, our twins.

So thank you for being here, Sarah.

I'm so excited and I'm so excited to find out why I'm the Anne and you're the Abby.

There's no specific reason why we are the ones that we are. But that's what happens. So maybe

we can decide at the end if it's accurate.

I thought you were going to maybe be like, well, dear Abby loved caves, whereas Anne Landers had a Jello cookbook for both things that are true of us.

I do think that that would be more accurate than the other way around.

Okay. All right. I like that. Yeah. So I think you're on to something here. I'm excited. And I'm

probably going to give way worse advice than they did. Well, I've done my best to collect things that I think

are both entertaining. We're kind of going more the funny route. There are lots of serious letters,

but I thought it would just be more fun to do the fun ones.

We're going to exutane.

Also, do you remember, because I'm currently grieving the cancellation of I'm just like that, my favorite show in the world?

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