Welcome back to bootability. We're on summer break for the next two months, but excited to share a special Q&A mini-series while we take a break from interviews.

Each week we'll answer one question that a listener asks about any aspect of Buddhist practice or how to apply Buddhism to daily life.

Here's today's question. I'm dealing with a really stressful relationship with someone close to me.

Do you have any advice on what to do when someone

just keeps getting under your skin? Well, first of all, who can't relate to this one? Stress is an

inevitable part of daily life, but when it manifests through a person, it tends to bring with it a whole

host of other emotions, anger, frustration,

blame, hopelessness, and feeling stuck in a cycle. But Buddhism does offer some great

perspective on relationships like this. Let's start with the big picture. If you've been listening

to the show for a while, you know that in Buddhism,

change always starts with itself, no matter how trying your external circumstances may be,

and no matter how blameless you are. We should always start by chanting Namyo Hōren Gekyo

about our situation, which is a great, healthy way to get the emotions out, see things clearly,

and then solidify our internal attitude before taking action.

I know that can feel hard to hear, especially if you don't feel that you're in the wrong,

but consider these words from Buddhist philosopher Daisaku Ikeda,

who lays out why happiness is always internally driven. He writes, fortunate circumstances don't guarantee happiness,

and conversely, hard circumstances don't guarantee that one will be unhappy. Our environment

doesn't decide our happiness. We do. We are either

defeated by our environment or we triumph over it. That's what determines our happiness. There are many

troubling, painful, unpleasant, and worrisome things in life. When you face such things,

you have two options. You can complain,

...